Buying make-up

Today I had a walk with Conch Shell and she said I needed to tone down my Swine Flu Hysteria. So, I am. I'm trying to focus on other things. But, did you know that pigs are catching it from people now? And, they aren't hysterical. And, they certainly have more reason to be....The prospects for a pig with Swine Flu aren't great these days.
Anyway, today I bought make-up to take my mind off of Swine Flu. Here was my conversation with the young lovely sales woman:

Aggie: Do you have anything that covers liver spots and under-eye bags for aging women?
SW: Yes, let's try this one......Oh, it looks a bit too yellowish.
Aggie: I try to stay away from the jaundiced look.
SW: Pardon me?
Aggie: Jaundice.
SW: What's that?
Aggie: Is there one that is less yellow?
SW: This one looks good with your skin.
Aggie: OK. Can you recommend a lipstick?
SW: Well it depends on what you like.
Aggie: I'd like my lips to look like my lips but better.
SW: You'll need a lip pencil to make that happen.
Aggie: OK then. Do you have a lipstick that will make my lips look the same as they are now?
SW: Here you go. I recommend this: it's a nude lipstick.

So, I walked out of there with a lipstick that does....nothing. This is what Swine Flu Hysteria has led to.

Swine Flu Hysteria

I get scared easily. When the guy cut off the guy's head on the bus, I got scared that my head was going to get cut off the next time I took a bus. When that guy killed himself with a Q-tip, I thought I was going to kill myself with a Q-tip. I'm also scared shitless of Swine Flu. Just the sound of it scares me. Pigs. Flu. Pig flu. Holy fuck! And now it's at a Level 5... how many levels are there, anyway? My institution tells me it is prepared, but are they really? I know the wankers in charge of these things and they don't know their asses from their elbows.

Next week I have an appointment with a young woman who will have just arrived from a vacation in Mexico. She's IN Mexico right now. I am already trying to figure out how I can keep her away from me, and away from everyone in my workplace. She needs to stay the fuck away! I don't want her to see that I am completely nuts over here, but I really, seriously want her away!

I am beginning to see that this hysteria I am experiencing runs in my family. I received this email today from a very close relative:

"As soon as I press Send to forward you this email, I'm off with the aforementioned check lists in hand to buy what's needed to top up and my emergency supplies kit. Even though I've recently read that face masks are little help in protecting us from breathing-in the tiny virus germs, I also will buy -- and use -- a box of face masks. At the very least, wearing a mask in crowded places may help keep me from unconsciously touching my nose and mouth, and rubbing my eyes -- the surest way to get whatever is going around."