Letting go of things...

Today was a day of letting go of things.

My car died today. Here is the conversation I had with my mechanic.

Mechanic: Aggie, it's time for you to just let it go.
Me: But the old girl has served me so well.
Mechanic: Aggie, dear, if you had a 20-year-old cat would you opt for $800-$1000 surgery, or would you have it put down? And, of course, there is the chance that the cat will just die any way of something else...
Me: I would probably be one of those people that opt for the surgery.
Mechanic: Let's retire this car, shall we?
Me: OK.

Sad, but that's life, isn't it. And now I'm not contributing to the climate change problem. That, I suppose, is the silver lining in all of this.

I had to let go of more things today. An office colleague helped me do a clean sweep today. It was wonderful. She helped me let go of the following items:
- old, ratty party decorations (She argued that when people have a party, they like to start fresh. I agreed).
- an old kettle that I no longer use (She said it was a health hazard. I agreed).
- Outdated research reports ("That's an old paradigm, Aggie." "You are much hipper than this." Once again, I agreed.)

Letting go of things is good.

The Danger Zone

I read somewhere that February 3rd is "Fish or Cut Bait Day", that dangerous period between New Year's and Valentine's Day. Perhaps it was posted on the ESI blog. Anyway, I have noted a number of relationships around me in crisis. I had lunch just today with a couple in crisis. When I asked how they were doing, she said, "He is in crisis." He agreed. He said he wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life, or even who he wanted to spend his life with. He said he was having a midlife crisis. He looked genuinely distressed. When I left, I wished him good luck with his crisis. He said, "Thanks. I'm not sure where it's going to go." I said, "Maybe it will take you where you need to go." (How New Agey of me!) He said, "Hopefully not into a wall." Then we laughed. Crises can be funny.

He is someone I feel might benefit from a good crisis--a happy bappy fellow who annoyed me at times with all his positive energy. I even wondered what my interesting and depressive friend was doing with him at times.** I'm not sure what will happen with this couple, or my other couple friends who are struggling in the early February danger zone.

Aggie's advice for couples in the danger zone: Whatever you do, don't rent "Scenes from a Marriage" - an Ingrid Bergman film. If you are teetering on the edge of breakup, this film will punt you right over the finish line. (Sorry about the mixed metaphors there).

**Anything that could be deemed metablogging is purely coincidental.

A few things I did this weekend

1) I put my "I Escaped" Google-poem to music. I had to change the words a bit to make it work. And, I worked with someone who knows more about music than I do. I told him what to do. I said, "I want a punk sound." I may record it and post it at some point.
2) I gutted and cooked about 50 smelts. Delicious.
3) I ate a bison rib today. Also delicious.
4) I read the Business Section of the Globe for the first time in a long long time. I read about why the Gap is tanking. I don't really give a shit about the Gap. But it is a little bit interesting to learn about why they are in decline.
5) I watched the film, Transamerica. It's interesting. The actress is quite amazing: a woman who plays a man who wants to be a woman. That's a challenging role. After watching the movie, I was grateful that I don't want a sex change. I'm happy not to have a dick. And glad that I don't have to go through the business of explaining the whole sex-change things to others. It seems like that was painful business. My four-year old niece did ask me once "Are you a girl or a boy?" and that was kinda fun.

Hipsters

I love many of the young hipsters of today. They are sassy, they are open, they know how to get intimate. Megan Butcher is one of my favourites in the blogosphere. She blogs about everything from her pap smear ordeal to her tattoo experience to her nearly-got-barfed-on-while-having-sex situation. What a gal! I love all this get down and dirty disclosure.

I was grossed out by hipster-colleague today, however. She seemed to think it was necessary to inform me that her absence at work was the result of "complications due to a piercing." I didn't notice any new holes in her ears or face. I said, "Please, would you mind not saying anything more. I don't want to know, and frankly I don't care what you've done to yourself." She was offended, and so I apologized to her later in the day, explaining that I am not from the self-mutilation generation and that images of pus make me queasy.

Riffin' on Dwarfie's Gig

Coyote is the ESI Poet Laureate. 4th Dwarf, however, is a poet in his own right. His Google-inspired poems are brilliant.
Today I decided to riff on Dwarfie's gig and write a google-inspired poem called "I Escaped". I'm thinking of putting it to music, perhaps with the help of Harmony and her rock star friends.

I Escaped

I escaped with my morals intact
and hell, only to go back again

I escaped for a while,
unscathed,
from hospital in a taxi
insanity

the noise of the city
from hard drive hell (again)
by the skin of my teeth.

I escaped from my certain fate
from Alcatraz
from Auschwitz
from Gilligan's Island.

I escaped for a short while
this afternoon,
from Ward 13 just to write this
only by the grace of God.

I escaped being eaten by a pelican
from a 12-year nervous breakdown
with 60 dollars
to breathe ocean air.

About colds

I lost my battle to the cold. Today it is in full bloom. I've learned some things with this cold that I would like to share with you:
1) No matter what they say, don't get drunk when you have a cold as a way to "forget about it." This didn't work out so well for me.
2) Drug yourself. There are lots of good drugs out there. Use them. They really do take the edge off the symptoms, and leave you in a kind of foggy stoner state.
3) Remember my sex-with-cold posting? You can disregard that.

Fighting a cold and survival kits

I'm fighting that cold that everyone has with all of my might. I am eating full cloves of garlic, taking Cold FX, taking Vitamin Cs by the handful, eating well, going to bed early. Not enough people are sneezing into their sleeves. Sleeves are the new hands, after all.

I read in this morning's Ottawa Citizen that everyone should have a survival kit in her home. I do not have one. I do have a bottle of single malt scotch, a can of beans, two cigarettes in the freezer, some matches and a couple of beeswax tea lights, all of which I think are the beginnings of a good survival kit.

Speaking of kits, the famous Megan Butcher just received a mojo kit from the "lovely" David Scrimshaw who apparently knows when young women are in need of a boost. Now, I think this young hottie has mojo to burn, so I'm rather baffled about why Mr.Scrimshaw would seem to think she needs help. She's young, she's witty, she's sexy, she's an erotic writer, she has tattoos of sea creatures on her body. This is not a woman who needs a mojo kit!

I, on the other hand, am in desperate need of a mojo kit. Apparently, Mr.Scrimshaw-- who some have called "Ottawa's most eligible bachelor"-- cannot see when a person needs a mojo kit, and when she is doing just fine without one. I have been struggling here: trying to be a Muse, trying to be intimate, trying to embrace Christmas, fighting a cold. Why does no one make me a mojo kit?

Things I have escaped so far...

1) brain damage (although I was dropped down the stairs as a baby by an exhausted mother of 4)
2) death (by pneumonia at age 3)
3) madness (it runs in the family)
4) a marriage
5) a bore
6) motherhood (and all the lactation and poop talk that goes with it)
7) bigamy
8) madness again...
9) death (by a motorcycle on a sidewalk in Seoul, Korea)
10) becoming a millionnaire

Random musings

Am drinking hot milk and Amarula. Highly recommended. And, I have a magic bag around my neck. Also, highly recommended. Here are some end-of-the-day, mid-week, completely random thoughts (not to be confused with deep thoughts):

I switched to Rogers and now I hate Rogers. Example: my voicemail does not beep when I have messages. Another example: when I finally got technical support on the phone after being transferred to 10 different people, the guy gave me some strategies to try and said he would reset my password. I said, "Ok, can you give me your phone number in case it doesn't work?" He said, "No, but I'll call you back in 5 minutes." The strategies didn't work. He didn't call me back.

Is it wrong of me to say that Alex Munter has wanker-like qualities? I know he supports all the right things...and he's a nicer person than Mayor Lex. But, is it wrong of me to say he may have wanker-like qualities? I hope he doesn't see this. I would feel bad. A lot of my best friends are wankers. I don't care if Mayor Lex sees this.

Someone gave me a very expensive palm pilot that has all kinds of features. I'm using it this week and hating it. And yet, I can't seem to stop using it, even though I know I prefer using a book. (I destroyed my former palm pilot by dropping it, and I plan to give it to a friend who makes art projects out of broken equipment).

There is an excellent recipe on my milk carton for Carrot, Ginger and Pear Soup. I plan to make it, and think it's clever to put recipes on products. I know folks have been doing this for a long time. But, I just noticed it today.

Is is wrong of me to hope for a Tory sex scandal? You know, something involving inappropriate messages to slightly underaged pages. How old are Canadian parliamentary pages anyway?

Everyone I know right now has a cold. What are the chances of me not getting it?

I love my cat more than myself. Is this normal?

I've been linked!

I know that the Elgin Street Irregulars have linked me. That's sort of like having your Mum add you to her Facebook as a "friend". (Yes, a whole new generation of mothers have Facebook accounts) And, Coyote has added me as a link, which is also sweet.
But, now I have OUTSIDERS who have linked me. They call themselves The Mysterious East . They appear to be literary types and lovely, thoughtful people who even have Emergency Meetings.

Do something you are afraid of....

"Do something you are afraid of...." This was the message I saw on a Lululemon tote bag someone was wielding at my yoga class. I am against that statement. Yeah yeah, I know our fears get in the way of INTIMACY blah blah blah...And, our fears can get in the way of being NICE, blah blah blah...And, fear gets in the way of our defending the oppressed, blah blah blah.
But, I think PRIDE is the real problem - remember PRIDE, one of the 7 Deadly Sins?

There are plenty of examples of how good, healthy fear can keep us out of trouble. I'm compiling a list right now.

When I looked up from the Lululemon tote into the face of its owner, I recognized an old university mate. She actually didn't look old at all; she looked EXACTLY the same. I introduced myself to her. She didn't recognize me. I couldn't remember her name, only the unkind name assigned to her by me and my other college mates: the Gap. That was before The Gap, the store became popular. I won't explain why we called her the Gap because it's not very nice.

Come up and look at my etchings....

For those of you who have wanted to use that line, I recommend checking out Julie's Maas' studio on Patrick Street in the Market. She has beautiful work in there, and is a lovely person to talk to. She and her partner, Bart, are former Americans and political activists. I went there today with a friend who saw a work that inspired her so much, she bought it immediately.

CD recommendation

I went out and bought 2 of my 3 CDs to help with the holiday recovery. My best selection was Todd Snider's CD, The Devil You Know. Todd Snider makes me happy. I think this CD could relieve any symptoms of a post-holiday funk.
The ESIs are not blogging. I think they not recovering well or following any of my tips. I will call an emergency meeting in the next days. I'm sure Publog Research will get them back on their feet.

Tips for recovery week

10 tips for holiday recovery week:
1) Chinese medicine. Ginseng tea. Herbal pills to boost your immune system. Go to a Chinese doctor if you need help selecting medicines. Tell him/her that you are a borderline alcoholic and a nervous wreck and he/she'll get you fixed right up.
2) Drag your sorry ass to a yoga class. Start with a Beginner Class. I've even gone to a "Yoga for Special Needs" class to start off the new year - for people recovering from illness, injury and the like. You mostly lie on the floor, and that's a good thing right now.
3) Don't startle your body by suddenly not drinking or not smoking. Keep a level of toxicity in the body.
4) Go to work and blog as a way to ease into your work work.
5) Call in sick one day on the first week back.
6) Get a new pet. Caring for some kind of critter - even a fish - will take the focus of you and your recovery.
7) Get self-righteous about something and rant about it.
8) Keep your out-of-office message on for a couple more days.
9) Go out and buy 3 new CDs with money you don't have right now. Listen at full volume.
10) Continue Publog Research.