Dischevelled Man and Gray Cats

Gray cats squinting

Portrait of Ti-Gris & dancing cats

Witness

Houseguests and Crap

Something must be going on in the universe this weekend. Mercury must be out of retrograde. Or Venus is trining Uranus. Our place is crawling with houseguests. I'm hauling every camping mattress I can find out the basement, and clearing floor surfaces, trying to figure out where I can lay people out.
In the midst of this houseguest deluge, and while dischevelled man was giving our first round of guests a house tour, there was a shocking discovery: one of our cats CRAPPED right in the middle of a bed. We're not sure which cat did it. But the large amount of crap suggests that it was the adult cat. I'm not sure why he would do this. Some possible theories here:

1) The cat is freaked out about the number of people coming in.
2) The cat is finally trying to tell us that he is not happy about the arrival of Ti-gris.
3) The cat was sick, and just had a once-in-lifetime unfortunate accident.
4) The cat is trying to tell us that he hates us.
5) It wasn't the cat at all, but one of the houseguests.

Spooning

Jesus in Kitten Fur

Have you seen this one?
I looked for Jesus in my cat's fur, but just found cat dandruff and Lauren Harper's face.

The Thinker

Why does she talk to me in that stupid way? "Who's your mommy?? Who's your mommy"! Good grief. I can't even look at her when she does this weird needy cat-woman thing. I'm going to kill that little bird out there. Then, I'm going roll in it. Then, I'm going to have a nap in the sun.

Cat Pillow

Does your cat like to sleep on your bed? Do you like your cat sleeping on your bed? Do you dislike when your cat walks on your face in the night, or sticks his or her ass in your face? This pillow may be the answer. It's made of soft polar fleece with a goldfish motif and lightly stuffed. It is made to be located at the foot of your bed, where you hope your cat will stay.

To Buy a Car or Not to Buy

In a previous post, I mentioned that I didn't want to buy a car. I had lots of good reasons. After making this decision, friends lent me a very large American car, which I am still using, and which I love in a kind of sick way. This loan is coming to an end in a week, and I will be carless once again.
The problem is that in two weeks, I need to transport my cat a very long distance for 5 weeks, and would like to have a car during that period. Renting a car this long is costly. And, there are vehicules I can borrow during this 5-week period. So, the question comes down to this: should I purchase a vehicule for my cat?

Margaret Atwood poem

It's not February, but I thought this poem still seems right at the moment.

"February" by Margaret Atwood (Margaret Atwood, “February” from Morning in the Burned House. Copyright © 1995)

Winter. Time to eat fat
and watch hockey. In the pewter mornings, the cat,
a black fur sausage with yellow
Houdini eyes, jumps up on the bed and tries
to get onto my head. It’s his
way of telling whether or not I’m dead.
If I’m not, he wants to be scratched; if I am
He’ll think of something. He settles
on my chest, breathing his breath
of burped-up meat and musty sofas,
purring like a washboard. Some other tomcat,
not yet a capon, has been spraying our front door,
declaring war. It’s all about sex and territory,
which are what will finish us off
in the long run. Some cat owners around here
should snip a few testicles. If we wise
hominids were sensible, we’d do that too,
or eat our young, like sharks.
But it’s love that does us in. Over and over
again, He shoots, he scores! and famine
crouches in the bedsheets, ambushing the pulsing
eiderdown, and the windchill factor hits
thirty below, and pollution pours
out of our chimneys to keep us warm.
February, month of despair,
with a skewered heart in the centre.
I think dire thoughts, and lust for French fries
with a splash of vinegar.
Cat, enough of your greedy whining
and your small pink bumhole.
Off my face! You’re the life principle,
more or less, so get going
on a little optimism around here.
Get rid of death. Celebrate increase. Make it be spring.