Getting ready for Old People

Thanks to XUP, who is an expert on old people, I am ready to receive my elderly guests. Here are some preparations I've made:

1) I have ordered DVDs, including "the Best of the Price is Right" and "America's Funniest Home Videos". "Three's Company" (Season 2) is also on the way.

2) I am bringing lots of sweets into the home. If I have time, I'm going to make a pan of squares. Old people like squares.

3) I bought a bottle of Bailey's, and have my own bottle of Port, which I'm willing to share.

4) I have remedies for stomach ailments or discomfort of any kind.

5) I have magic bags.

6) I have crosswords.

7) I am ready to talk loudly and listen for hours to stories about the old days.

8) I have a few Ottawa tourist pamphlets ready in case people feel like doing some light sightseeing.

Am I forgetting anything here? I feel prepared. I really do. Thanks, all of you --especially XUP !--for your suggestions.

Houseguests, crap, continued...

A small turd was discovered on the floor by the door. And someone stepped in it. So, it was a small smushed turd. Again, not sure which cat is protesting. Perhaps both.
I'm a barely-standing-ragdoll now, washing sheets and towels, in preparation for two, no, three more sets of houseguests. Then, I leave town on Sunday and will be a houseguest myself for a couple of days.
Here are some tips on how to be a stellar houseguest:
1) don't complain
2) say thank you
3) use only one towel
4) bring food and drink if possible
5) don't start drinking before noon
6) take a nap, a walk, or read sometimes
7) take care of your needs
8) help clean up
9) bring a present
10) be nice

Do you have other tips?

Houseguests and Crap

Something must be going on in the universe this weekend. Mercury must be out of retrograde. Or Venus is trining Uranus. Our place is crawling with houseguests. I'm hauling every camping mattress I can find out the basement, and clearing floor surfaces, trying to figure out where I can lay people out.
In the midst of this houseguest deluge, and while dischevelled man was giving our first round of guests a house tour, there was a shocking discovery: one of our cats CRAPPED right in the middle of a bed. We're not sure which cat did it. But the large amount of crap suggests that it was the adult cat. I'm not sure why he would do this. Some possible theories here:

1) The cat is freaked out about the number of people coming in.
2) The cat is finally trying to tell us that he is not happy about the arrival of Ti-gris.
3) The cat was sick, and just had a once-in-lifetime unfortunate accident.
4) The cat is trying to tell us that he hates us.
5) It wasn't the cat at all, but one of the houseguests.