Being Right

I've been frustrated lately in my dealings with a person who always needs to be right. After some insomniac ruminations last night, it occurred to me that if I'm reacting to Mr. Needs-to-Be-Right I must also need to be right. Or, at least I must be attached to the idea that I'm "righter".

A Hypochondriac Meditating

I'm chilled a bit. Hope I'm not getting another cold. And my back hurts. Shit. Maybe I should have opted for the chair today. I really have to get back to see my acupunture guy. I'm completely blocked up. Or, yoga maybe. But, I haven't found a yoga class that I'm totally comfortable with here. I need Mark Laham. Breathe. Distractions out. Fresh air in. Distractions out in a cloud of black smoke. Gone. I'm feeling a little twitch in my cheek. Shit. I wonder if I'm having a little stroke or something. Or, it could be Bell's Palsy which I guess wouldn't be the end of the world. Or, could be a brain tumour, I guess. Or, just the beginnings of a brain tumour. My aunt had one, so it's not like we don't have brain tumours in the family. Distractions out. Breathe. Sit up straight. Or, it could just be a stroke. That would suck having your face all paralysed after a stroke. Stuck in an expression you can't control. Affecting your speech, even. I guess meditation would help me deal with this kind of thing. Distractions out. Fresh air in. My arms feel heavy, too, today. Maybe I have heart disease.

Monkey Mind

As many of you, I am MEDITATING these days, or attempting to, at the local Buddhist centre. Nothing like meditation to make you realize how nuts you are. Here is an example of my mind in meditation today:

Boy, it's easier for me to sit in lotus position. I can thank the fucking hot room yoga hell for that. At least something good has come out that: I can sit on the floor properly. Feeling good. Feeling really good. I have got this meditation shit right down now. Enlightenment, here I come! Oh shit. My eye is itchy. Should I scratch it? No. Stillness. Stillness. Maybe it will go away. It's not. Damn! Maybe I have pink eye. Oh no, the other one is itchy now. Shit, I probably have pink eye in both fucking eyes. Where the hell did I get that? Oh, I think it's ok. Just opening my eyes a wee bit fixed it. Good. Ok. We're back. We're meditating. Too bad about Heath Ledger. He was hot. OK. back to the meditating. I hear kids screaming. They sound like a flock of gulls. I hear a truck backing up. It sounds like the beginning of Fur Elise. Da da daa da da daa daaaaaa. Back to the meditating. Maybe a mantra will help me focus again. What's my mantra? Oh shit, I forgot. I think there is an OM in there somewhere. Someone is wearing perfume. That shit should be banned everywhere. Back to the meditation. OM. I hope Zoom wins the contest. OM.

Meditation Accessories

The fun part of getting involved with a new religion is the shopping opportunities. There are so many delightful meditation accessories. For example, I have decided I need a magenta zafu, like the one above. I also need a meditation shawl, of course, in a colour that matches the zafu. A mala, one of those funky beaded bracelets would be nice to have, too. I also want a singing bowl because they are just too cool.

Word of the Day: Tonglen

It's a Tibetan word, and I learned it last evening in my meditation group. Here is the Wikipedia definition.

Now, I will share the exercise I learned to cultivate tonglen. This practise, I learned, has all kind of good benefits, like keeping you physically and mentally healthy. Apparently, thinking about yourself too much makes you sick. Think about that one, bloggers!

O.K. Get into the meditation position. Sit up straight. Relax. Breathe through your nose. Now, think about someone you know who is suffering. Imagine her suffering face. Think about her suffering until you feel touched. That is compassion you are feeling, by the way. Then, imagine thick, black smoke coming out of that suffering person. That's all her suffering coming out. Suck in that black smoke through your heart chakra, then breath it out again. Visualize white light coming out with your breath. Then, visualize what that suffering person looks like with her suffering removed. Rinse and repeat.

Meditation

I have just started a meditation course which is offered for FREE by the friendly Buddhists in one of the neighbourhoods I currently live. It occurred to me that Buddhism is in fact a religion, as I watched the lead meditation dude genuflect three times in front of a huge, gold motherf-ing statue of Buddha. I thought to myself - Self, you need another religion like you need a hole in your head. Then, I convinced myself that I could just take advantage of the practice and all its relaxing benefits. And, it's free.
Meditation lesson number one: Focus on the breath. Feel the sensation of air in your nostrils. Focus on your breath, but don't try to control your breath, because you don't need to unless you are on a respirator. Inhale. Imagine white light coming into you. That's Buddha! It's all good, positive energy and vibes and all that. Exhale. Imagine black smoke and bile coming out. Yuck. That's all the bad stuff on its way out.