Advantages of being on the no-fly list

I would like to be on a no-fly list. How do I get on the list?
In certain situations, it would be fun to say, "I'm sorry. I can't go. I'm on the no-fly list." Or, in other situations, it would be fun to say, "I'll be there, but it will take a week or two because I'm on the no-fly list."
Here are just a few of the many advantages of being on the no-fly list:

1) no more crappy airline food (if they give you anything at all)
2) no more airport security
3) no more airport tax
4) no more mean airport people
5) more train travel
6) more cruises
7) fewer visits to the tropical medicine clinic
8) more time relaxing at home
9) cachet of being able to announce at a cocktail party, "Yes, well, before I was on the no-fly list, blah blah blah..."
10) knowing you won't die in a plane crash