Monday, October 23, 2006

Babies and mums

Just to get the record straight here: I like babies, and am not against procreation. I do not believe that babies and wee ones should be seen and not heard. I am pro mothers getting the fuck out of the house with their kiddies and going to public places. In fact, I'm against the ones that stay indoors, go insane and end up smacking their kiddies with coathangers. However, the following are some baby-things that annoy me:
  • SUV-size strollers. Unless you have given birth to triplets, do you really need one that size?
  • doulas - you know, those people mother's pay vast sums of cash to make plaster castes of their guts, and coach them through childbirth. My favourite doula story is one in which a dear friend of mine's mother chased one off when my friend requested drugs, and the doula tried to intervene with a meditation exercise. I think the mother said something like, "Piss off, ya' bloody quack!".
  • attachment parenting. This means you never get away from your kid, and go cuckoo. This means never allowing your kid to cry. I'm convinced that this form of parenting leads to massive doses of SUIs.

I wonder how Musie is doing with the Chinchillas?

2 comments:

Harmony said...

Ok "baby" you've gone too far. I can agree with your comments about "doulas", SUV-sized strollers and the whole "attachment-parenting" thing (although I'm pretty attached myself).
But when you don't even hint at mentioning the whole "organic-based-make-your-own-baby-food" pressure, you've really missed a vital element to your argument.
Honestly. What else does a brand-new-still-sore-what-the-f&%*-have-I-done-to-myself-chinchilla-raiser need to add to her list of really 21st-century-neurotic pursuits? Well, it's to go out, buy really obnoxiously-overly-expensive organic growth, clean it, hack it up, pound it into pure, soft mush, and feed it to her uncomprehending babe. Right?
You missed that.
I sense a lack of dedication in your malignment of "disks" (double income some kids). That, btw, turns into 'dilks' if they continue to breed and have lots of chinchillas.
So. From now on, please Aggie. If you're going to complain, do it comprehensively.

Aggie said...

Harmony - Clearly, I've made some serious omissions. Thanks for pointing them out. There are huge knowledge gaps in the perpetually adolescent child-free crowd...