Things I haven't had time to blog about

1) Hymen-replacements operations - hymenoscopies? Not sure what they're called.
2) A friend of mine (let's call him 4th Dwarf's) new schema and how it's working out.
3) My elbow injury of this weekend caused by a botched assault.
4) Meditations on getting rid of stuff.
5) How my long-distance matchmaking job is working out.
6) What I'm reading and not reading these days.
7) More about my views on baby blogs.
8) My creative activities of late.
9) Meditations on my lack of physical activity.
10) There is no tenth thing.

Items I should have sold at the Glebe Garage Sale, but didn't

1) items of MEC clothing I never wear because I hate them.
2) a car that starts, but doesn't really run.
3) my entire self-help collection.
4) my wedding ring (the one I bought after losing the first one).
5) my ink-jet printer
6) my TV and VHS player
7) ugly knick-knacks that I can't seem to rid myself of
8) my tennis racket (who am I kidding?)
9) my squash racket (who am I kidding?)
10) barely-worn brassieres that are too uncomfortable to wear

When things turn ugly in an art class

As I have mentioned a number of times, I love my art teacher. He is my dream teacher. He walks around saying brilliant things, and seems to say just the right thing at the right moment. Tonight, one of his comments to me was "The key here is to keep this thing kicky, while staying coherent." He also compared painting to writing and target practice.
While he is my dream teacher, it seems he is someone else's nightmare. One of the students in our class is a woman who hasn't seemed happy from the get-go. She was hoping for a technique class.

They got into it in our last class, and things turned ugly. She said, "You are trying to make me into an abstract painter." His response to this was, "Everything is abstract. Language is abstract. I'm not trying to make you into anything. I'm just trying to help you look at things." I thought that was a fine response. But, then things escalated quickly, and resulted in her saying something nasty about his ability as a teacher. The conversation continued to take a bad turn, and he ended up saying to her - "Maybe you should not paint." She said, "Maybe you should get a life." Then, she walked out. My dream teacher looked a bit sick and was clearly rattled. The rest of us were working quietly and intensely on our own paintings during all of this.

After class, I walked out with a fellow student who was concerned about the woman who stormed out. She said, "Painting is all she has. She's one of those traditional women who has just followed her husband around." I thought to myself, maybe this woman does need to expand her horizons a bit. You see, my teacher may have intuitively sensed that this woman needed to have a break from the painting. That is how fucking brilliant he is.

Baby poop on blogs

Yesterday, I received a delightful email from an associate about the birth of his daughter. However, the happy e-birth announcement contained a link to the dreaded baby blog -- actually, the mommy blog. It contained fascinating accounts of the baby's facial expressions as she poops. I have some advice and questions for all those parent bloggers out there:

1) Other people's baby's poop is not interesting reading. I'm interested in my own poop, and my cat's poop. Beyond that, I'm not really interested in poop. I recommend that poop discussions stick close to home.
2) Infant behaviour is not that interesting. Start blogging when the babe starts developing more. Put the infant stuff in a BABY BOOK, if you must. Remember those books? Those things your mom stuck a little lock of your hair in? Or, perhaps there was no account of your babyhood anywhere...
3) Imagine your baby as a teenager, reading your blog. How would she/he feel? Think about it.
4) Imagine your baby as an adult on a therapist's couch with his/her laptop, referring to your blog. Imagine the therapist saying, "Yes, clearly, this is where it all started."
5) Readers of parent blogs tend to be more interested in how the parents are doing. So--how are you doing?

Spam poetry

Interested in it?
Life can be better.
Get ready for this:
Sex can be one of the most enjoyable parts of your life.
Be with viagra
Right timing, right choice
Life can be better
In some ways, I find it depressing,
and in others, I find it really refreshing.
Is it true?
Life can be better.
Think about it. u will find.
Thank you all for your cooperation.

ADD posting

I haven't been able to blog coherently this week. So here is one of my ADD/random postings in list format:
1) I am irritated by iPods and secretly hope that iPod users lose them. (I saw someone today searching desperately for his lost iPod, and it made me happy. I know this is evil thinking).
2) I heard the best ring-tone ever this week: "Scotland the Brave". We applauded the women for her ring-tone, and she seemed pleased with herself.
3) My art teacher is a genius. He is able to challenge people without pissing them off. He says things like, "It's ok to display your process, but don't flaunt it." He discourages wankiness. He told one woman who was trying to paint something spiritual, to stop being so spiritual and just paint. He's the best teacher I've ever had.
4) I dislike the painting I'm working on right now. I'm painting pies -- a whole bunch of them on a table. I can't wait to finish it so I can move on to something more exciting. I'm not sure why I'm painting pies.
5) I went to a fabulous reading at Venus Envy on Wednesday and heard some famous local writers read, including Megan Butcher and Jennifer Whiteford. Jennifer read an interesting piece about the brutality of little girls. This woman knows girls! Megan read erotic poetry. I was struck by her voice - her poetic voice and her speaking voice, both of which are powerful.
6) I've stopped caring about the Sens. I know this is evil thinking, too.
7) I need a personal trainer.
8) I need acupuncture.
9) I need a massage.
10) I need a team of professionals working on me.

I have a pink cellphone

I visited an old friend this weekend who gave me a pink cellphone. The cellphone is one of those beautiful flip-up kinds. Sleek. Gorgeous. Unfortunately, this cellphone went through the wash, and no longer functions. My friend was going to throw it in the garbage until I offered to take it off her hands.
I figure there must be plenty of uses for a non-functioning pink cell phone.

Oil of Oregano and Blog Revolutions

In case you didn't know this, Oil of Oregano is the hot new "cure" for the common cold. I have a common cold right now. I won't talk about it right now because that's just boring blog material. Let's just say that I jumped on the Oil of Oregano bandwagon. I paid a ridiculous amount of money for the stuff and so far have not been cured.

I am hoping to have more interesting things to blog about soon. In the meantime, I recommend reading Megan's blog . She's changing the world, wallet by wallet. I dreamt about Megan the other night. I dreamt that it was my birthday and she decorated my car. That made me happy.

The Mysterious East folks are creating their own little revolution in N.B. over the New Brunswick Adoption Foundation's ad campaign.

These blogs are inspiring me to start my own little revolution over here.

Found: One Completed Passport Application

When: 8:15 a.m. today
Where: In a very remote, obscure, difficult-to-find part of my desk at home.

My weekend

I still have not found my passport application in spite of some weekend house cleaning/tidying. I now have a sort of sick feeling about it. The completed application not only included photos and signed stuff from my guarantor, but it also contained very important fucking documents such as my old passport and my proof of British citizenship certificate.

In addition to the passport fiasco, my other weekend disappointment was the Tulip Festival. It's no fun now that they took out the music. I went to Major's Hill Park thinking that I could taste international food for free. Turns out that event is next weekend. This weekend just seemed to be about a sad little clown doing some stunts with sidewalk chalk and people like me eating fries in the sun.

The highlight of the weekend was going to see Ariane Moffat at Barrymore's. This young Quebecoise kicks ass. She does all kind of fun techno stuff on her laptop, but she can still rock out. I loved her and now own her CD.

Why I love my art teacher - Part 3

I love my art teacher. Here are some great things he said this week:

There is fine line between the beautiful and the crude. They are closely intertwined.

Try this technique. And, if it doesn't work out on this painting, it might help the next time you're painting a window frame.

Your style reminds me of a lesser-known pop artist who did a lot of paintings of cakes and pies.

2 Thoughts

I woke up this morning with 2 thoughts:

1) I love big American cars. I know I'm supposed to hate them. They are evil. I'm borrowing a beautiful big lounge of a car right now, and I love it in a way that is obsessive and sick. When I'm driving I feel like I'm sitting on a big comfy couch. I like the way it seems to just float over the pavement. Ahhhh...

2) I am old and out of shape. One has to move one's ass in order to be in shape. One does not get much exercise riding around in a big American car.

We Built This City

OK, I woke up this Monday morning with Starship's "We Built This City" in my head. Apparently, this song has been considered by some to be one of the worst, if not the worst of all time. And yet, it is spooling through my brain. I don't think it's as bad as they say.

Someone always playing corporation games/Who cares they're always changing
corporation names/We just want to dance here someone stole the stage/They call
us irresponsible write us off the page. Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, dont you remember/ We built this city, we built this city on rock and rollWe built this city, we built this city on rock and roll/Built this city, we built this city on rock
and roll.

Lost and Found

Yesterday I lost my watch, then found it on my own wrist. Still hoping the completed passport application will turn up.

Why I love my art teacher - Part 2

My art teacher has boozey breath with coffee overtones. His latest bit of wisdom was the following:

It's difficult to find solutions if you are still searching for the questions. Stay with the questions. And if all else fails, just make a bold broad stroke in a bright colour and hope for the best.

Here is a sampling of some questions that came up for me today:
Is John Baird the missing link?
Why can't I remember to bring my lunch when it's sitting there all ready to go on the table?
Why do I like huge American cars when I'm supposed to hate them?
How could a person lose a completed passport application before sending it in to the passport office?
How do people have the energy to jog?
Do I have any clean socks for tomorrow?

20 things I have lost in my life (in no particular order)

1. a pair of handmade green leather sandals.
2. a wrist watch
3. a red bicycle
4. a wedding ring
5. a passport application
6. a handmade basket given to me in Indonesia
7. 50-60 earrings
8. a rug inherited from my grandmother
9. a set of dishes
10. numerous CDs
11. numerous books
12. a pair of black leather platform shoes
13. a wallet
14. a walkman
15. my virginity
16. my pride
17. a quality cheese grater
18. approximately 50 umbrellas
19. my hard drive
20. approximately 20 pairs of sunglasses

Good news story of the week: Fruity cocktails are health food!

After all the tragedy of this week, followed by wanker media stories about the media, there was finally a good news story that came out. Turns out cocktails are good for you! Yayyy!!!!!
Get thee to a patio, and drink. Antioxidants, here I come!

Reasons why I love my art teacher....

1) He has boozey breath.
2) He tells me to push the paint around and see what happens.
3) He says supportive things like "I see transformation in this piece. Bring it back next week. We can work with this."
4) When I responded with, "Yes, I'm seeing some addition of red in this piece", he responded with a punch in my arm.
4) He encourages us to get out and look at a lot of art.
5) He hates Renoir.

A few of my favourite things....(today, April 19th)

I'm an in the moment kind of person, but in the spirit of Audrey, here is my list of favourite things (besides sex) today, April 19th, 2007.

1) the feeling I have 2 hours after my B-12 shot.
2) the Danish film "After the Wedding" - GREAT melodrama - loved it!
3) the way my cat licks my nose in the morning.
4) the Ritter sport chocolate I'm eating right now.
5) Double americanos
6) My assistant at work (who tells me to take time off for myself!)
7) Pistachios (which I'm also eating right now).
8) a warm day after a bunch of cold shitty ones
9) miraculously waking up feeling great after drinking too much wine the night before.
10) acupuncture
11) waiters
12) Bob
13) the ESIs
14) walks with Conch Shell
15) blogging at work
16) raindrops
17) roses
18) whiskers on kittens

Monday snapshot

Here is a snapshot of today:
1) Why do I live in this country? It's snowing slush this morning. It's April. Yeah, the cruellest month, but still!!
2) When I arrive at work today, two people are getting their knickers in a knot over a box of lost clear, transparent push pins. Were the push pins lost? Could they have been stolen?
3) During the day I wonder if the silver lining of my spider solitaire addiction will be that I won't lose my mind in old age. Will people say, "Her liver's gone, but she's still sharp as a tack."
4) I need exercise. I can't rely on an empire waist to do everything for me. But no, better to stay at home with a movie, a cup of tea, pie warmed up in the microwave and a magic bag (also warmed up in the microwave).
5) I hate tanned people and their all-inclusive lives. And, no, I'm not jealous!
6) I understand people who don't go outside.