More recovery

I got carried away with the wine-drinking last night, which has resulted in me --
1) having to take a pill and a 2-hour nap today, 2) having to apologize to someone who was trying to talk to me about something serious, which I drunkenly diverted, making it look like I didn't give a shit, and worse, like I was attacking what she was putting forward. And if that wasn't bad enough, when I tried to recover and bring it back to her, I ended up making it all about me!
Needless to say, I am not very pleased with myself today, so am laying low. I am enjoying listening to a group I am just discovering - COCOROSIE. I am reading the latest New Yorker, which is not so great. I am making spagetti. I am feeling the cold, darkness and gravity of fall. Summer's over.

Recovering from

1) my class yesterday in which a New Agey woman was invited as a guest speaker, and, as an exercise, forced us to stare into to the eyes of a partner (another student, a stranger), for 3 minutes while she played a sappy song about love. You are wondering what I am studying? So am I!
2) an ESI Emergency Meeting in which difficult, and groundbreaking stuff was discussed. See minutes posted on ESI blog soon.
3) a late night Facebook "conversation" that reminded me why Facebook is......bad.
4) a cat jumping on my head and sucking my hair in the middle of the night.
5) there is no fifth thing.

Meditation Accessories

The fun part of getting involved with a new religion is the shopping opportunities. There are so many delightful meditation accessories. For example, I have decided I need a magenta zafu, like the one above. I also need a meditation shawl, of course, in a colour that matches the zafu. A mala, one of those funky beaded bracelets would be nice to have, too. I also want a singing bowl because they are just too cool.

Sand-free Zen Gardens

Sand is messy. Sand belongs in litter boxes. A gust of wind can blow sand all over your desk. It can end up in your sandwich. Very unpleasant.

Industrial Walk Along the Lachine Canal, Montreal

Purchased: One Singer Sewing Machine - $50

Yesterday, I went furniture shopping. Even though, I am homeless, I decided that it would be nice to have my own desk, since I am trying to study and be a student. So, I walked into a second-hand place on the Plateau Montreal and immediately saw my machine. My companion pointed out that I had come to find a desk, not a sewing maching, but then I showed him how the machine could be folded down, and easily turned into a desk. In other words, it is two for the price of one!

Now, I am looking for an EASY on-line crazy quilt course. I found this one, but it looks a bit complicated with all the fussy hand stitching. I prefer a quick and dirty approach.

Why are Academics so Damn Wanky?

First of all, apologies to all of you who find the shift from meditation to rant too jarring....
As many of you know, I have gone back to school part-time. Why you ask? To learn. To be a smarter person. I am hoping that my studies don't lead me to become a complete wanker - or more of a wanker than I already am. Today I was particularly struck by how irritating academics are, and what total fucking wankers they are when they write.

For example, in postmod circles now, it is considered good form to situate oneself in the text. Why do I find this so annoying? After all, I blog. Blogging is a very postmodern activity. I situate myself in the centre of a written piece all the time. So, why should this be a problem for me? Here is an example of what I hate. Please help me understand why it annoys me so ... much!

"I identify myself as a White male university professor living and working in the relative ease and comfort of a G8 country. As an anarchist raised in a working-class family I have encountered a certain amount of disrespect and rejection by my intellectual 'superiors', but I know that my own socialization and the racist and patrarchal norms that permeate the academic world make it relatively easy for me to stay in the game. The same goes for my sexuality. Although I find that my desire exceeds the boundaries of mainstream hetersexual practices, I have a long-term female partner and two children -- so again, I mostly pass. All this to say: my struggles with oppression arise mostly from the need to challenge my own racim, heterosexism and classism, and to find more effective ways to be in solidarity with those who experience the debilitating effects of these apparatuses of division every day and night throughout their lives."


Interesting how academics LOVE to exploit the working-class family thing. And, an "anarchist raised in a working-class family" to boot.

This guy is so straight. "My desire exceeds the boundaries of mainstream hetersexual practices." Face it buddy, you're a wanker! Since you are situating yourself here, why not just say the following: "I am a really straight guy who wanks off a lot."

And, the last bit. Holy self-referential wanking! His struggles with oppression arise out of.... his own struggles?

Am I being too hard on this guy? I think I need to get back to the Buddhists.

Word of the Day: Tonglen

It's a Tibetan word, and I learned it last evening in my meditation group. Here is the Wikipedia definition.

Now, I will share the exercise I learned to cultivate tonglen. This practise, I learned, has all kind of good benefits, like keeping you physically and mentally healthy. Apparently, thinking about yourself too much makes you sick. Think about that one, bloggers!

O.K. Get into the meditation position. Sit up straight. Relax. Breathe through your nose. Now, think about someone you know who is suffering. Imagine her suffering face. Think about her suffering until you feel touched. That is compassion you are feeling, by the way. Then, imagine thick, black smoke coming out of that suffering person. That's all her suffering coming out. Suck in that black smoke through your heart chakra, then breath it out again. Visualize white light coming out with your breath. Then, visualize what that suffering person looks like with her suffering removed. Rinse and repeat.

Three (no Four!) Great Places in Montreal

I have a few guidelines I try to adhere to loosely when exploring a city. They are as follows:
1)don't spend a lot unless it is something you need.
2)wear sensible footwear.
3)try to walk as much as you can -- this way you really get to know the lay of the land.
4)stop often on benches or in cafes to take in the atmosphere. Arm yourself with a notebook or light reading material. Don't carry too much stuff, though.
5)collect cards at places you like, so that you will remember where they are.
6)be bold, and ask locals about good places to go. Don't talk to strangers who look like they might be ax-murderers, or sellers of some sort.

I followed my guidelines yeseterday, and discovered THREE (no FOUR!)great places in Montreal, that could fill up to 5 hours, depending how long you like to linger in places.

Place #1: Start at the Nocochi Cafe Patisserie on Mackay St. It's a beautiful cafe -- minimalist, long white couches with little square colourful cushions, and tiny little pastries lined up like ammunition on the glass counter. The regular coffee here is delicious.

Place #2: Musee des Beaux Arts . This seems like an obvious one, right? It is just around the corner from the Nochochi on Sherbrooke. You don't, I repeat, don't have to visit the place from top to bottom. I recommend using the very clean, spacious washrooms. Then, go to look at the free stuff in the permanent collection. Check out Riopelle's work in the Contemporary Art Section. Don't overdo it. Now, go sit on a bench.

Place #3: After the Musee des Beaux Arts, you need to walk down Sherbrooke, past McGill and all that, then turn left on Avenue Parc. Walk just a little bit, and you will find the paper, notebook store of your dreams: Nota Bene. I cannot even describe how I felt when I walked into this place. The store is jammed wih the entire Moleskin collection, and other stunning notebooks of all shapes and sizes; German-engineered pens and other gorgeous implements; and the folders! Tears welled up when I entered this store, and the store owner assured me, 'It's O.K. You are in your safe space here.' In addition to being a store, it's an art gallery. The owner offers space upstairs for FREE to local artists.

Place #4: : More walking, lots of walking now to St. Laurent. Keep walking. You are hungry now. You smell chicken. You follow the smell. You are in Coco Rico now, a Portugese rotisserie at 3907 Saint-Laurent Boulevard. You buy an entire chicken.

Fall Colours

I am trying out some new fall colours here on the blog.

Crazy quilts and Crosspatch

Wanted: one used sewing machine that works. Nothing fancy.

One of my goals during my year of non-work is to make a crazy quilt. What inspired me to do this was a visit to the Beaverbrook Gallery in Fredericton where I saw on exhibit that included stunning quilts made by artist, Jennifer Beckley. One quilt that particularly stood out for me was a pink nightie with the arms cut out, surrounded by grey men's dress pants, including pockets and buttons. None of her works are perfectly square or centred, so this gives me the illusion that it is something I can do, and that whatever I decide to stitch together is fine.

Word of the day: Crosspatch. I bet you thought it had something to do with quilting, eh?

Friday morning bed blog

I am not out of bed yet, and it seems to be one of those days you wake up and ask yourself, "Am I sick, or do I just need a shower and a cup of coffee? I have woken up queasy, and no I'm not pregnant.
An update of the week in no particular order:
1) I am a student again, and although I am the oldest in my classes (over 30, as Urban has pointed out) I have made friends. I have made a concerted effort to learn names, and have found that the business people are right about this one -- people do like the sound of their own names.
2) I found the 16-month pocket-size weekly moleskin planner I was looking for at the Pinecrest Chapters. A nice collection there. Now, I feel ready to move forward. Amazing how much hope a mere planner can give you.
3) I have decided to learn and blog a new word every day. I want to start expanding my vocabulary and stop saying fuck. It's not nice. My word of today is cabal, which I think is a really good word, and one that would work nicely in a sentence with Elgin Street Irregulars. I would link you to a full definition of cabal, but the link button doesn't seem to be working this morning.

Meditation

I have just started a meditation course which is offered for FREE by the friendly Buddhists in one of the neighbourhoods I currently live. It occurred to me that Buddhism is in fact a religion, as I watched the lead meditation dude genuflect three times in front of a huge, gold motherf-ing statue of Buddha. I thought to myself - Self, you need another religion like you need a hole in your head. Then, I convinced myself that I could just take advantage of the practice and all its relaxing benefits. And, it's free.
Meditation lesson number one: Focus on the breath. Feel the sensation of air in your nostrils. Focus on your breath, but don't try to control your breath, because you don't need to unless you are on a respirator. Inhale. Imagine white light coming into you. That's Buddha! It's all good, positive energy and vibes and all that. Exhale. Imagine black smoke and bile coming out. Yuck. That's all the bad stuff on its way out.

Weddings

I have never been a fan of weddings because most of them are tacky, sappy, gag-me-with-a-spoon affairs that leave me cynical and depressed. I attended one on the weekend that contained many of these elements. The bride wore a huge cream puff of a dress, and the groom was dressed like Lancelot. A low point for me was when I noticed that my place setting name card was in fact the business card of the bride. I am wondering if this is the latest thing in the wedding industry. Getting married? What a great opportunity to network! Fuck.
However, there were two great things about this wedding that I will acknowledge. The first was the reunion of a cover band that hadn't played together for more than a decade, featuring the groom on bass, still in Knight's costume. They did some memorable tunes like Funkytown and Respect that had all generations out of their seats and shaking their booties like crazy. The other great thing was that a second meal was served at the end of the night -- pulled pork, cole slaw and baked potatoes - to provide a good stomach buffer for all the drinking. I thought that was a lovely touch.

What are you supposed to do?

I have come to realize that there are a lot of everyday situations that I do not know how to handle. One is this one: what are you supposed to do when you see a deer grazing peacefully on the side of the road?
a) honk like crazy to scare the deer back into the woods.
b) pull over and chase the deer back into the woods.
c) drive by and do nothing.
d) call the cops.
e) none of the above.

End-of-week reflections

I am currently: not working, living in two cities, taking two courses, thinking about travelling from January to March.
Today I am: reuniting with my cat, buying books for my classes, raising a glass to Pavarotti, having lunch with a friend who calls himself a "rock artist" -- rock as in stone, not rock 'n roll.
Things I am struggling with: finding the perfect weekly planner. (Not having one is creating chaos in my life). I wanted the 18-month weekly pocket-size moleskin, but they are sold out everywhere. Starting an exercise program that I can reasonably follow.
Things I am doing this weekend: spending quality time with my cat, attending someone's second wedding -- and although it is a second wedding, there will be all the crap and ceremony associated with a first wedding, including the white fluffy dress. Sleeping.
Questions I am contemplating: When someone makes a point of telling you "I am happy," why is this suspect?

Trying to be Healthy and Organized

They say that September is a time to get healthy and get organized. Bob is quitting smoking. David Scrimshaw has posted student lifehacks. I am sure that the elusive 5th Muse is out there somewhere getting healthy, too. Everyone is doing it. Here are some things I am currently doing to get healthy:
1) I am drinking a touch less wine.
2) I am preparing meals that are colourful and delicious.
3) I am minimizing the smoke I take into my lungs.
4) I have started walking an hour a day.
5) I have started thinking about my future exercise routine which has not yet been established.
6) I am reading books about health, such as the bestseller by Elizabeth Gilbert called Eat, Pray, Love. (I thoroughly enjoyed the book up to the part when she left Italy and stopped writing about food).
7) I am joining a meditation group, because it is supposed to be good for your mind.
8) I am sleeping, because they say that is a healthy thing to do, too.
9) I am taking supplements, so I won't be deficient.
10) I am thinking about how to get organized, because they say that external clutter leads to internal chaos.

Lessons learned recently

1) When giving a hairdresser freedom to do anything with your hair, it's good to point out that you aren't open to having a mullet (is this how you spell it?)
2) Staying at your parents' place for more than 3 consecutive days may not be a good idea unless you really want to go back into therapy.
3) Pad Thai may not be the same Pad Thai you think you is, and that is ok.
4) It's not a good idea to visit a friend with 3 young kids in the late afternoon/pre-suppertime hours.
5) Don't download "Rainy Day Woman" as your ring tone. Some people find the "everyone must get stoned" line offensive, especially if you don't know how to lower the volume of your ring tone.
6) Just say no to homemade wine.
7) Rocks make excellent, inexpensive gifts.
8) Homemade jams, jellies and chutneys also make excellent gifts.
9) Stay hydrated.
10) Keep your things together. Don't scatter.

More stream-of-consciousness

Being on vacation for so long has made me so unstructured that all I can do is stream-of-consciousness blogging. My apologies to those of you who need structure.
Here is today's SOC: Naps are good and an excellent afternoon activity. People should invest in good guest beds. I will make a note to do this in the future. Paintings by Salvador Dali are cool even if you don't like Salvador Dali. I want to learn how to make crazy quilts. Do I even need to learn, or do I just need a sewing machine? I may need a quilting coach. I think I need a dog, but not now. I'm collecting homemade jams and chutneys in a kind of obsessive way. I've got a pottery person interested in the zen garden concept, but she thinks sand might be important, but not the rake. She feels a stick would do. I agree.

Stream-of-Consciousness Update

A quick stream-of-consciousness update here, folks:
First, I'm loving the not working thing. I am reading a lot, and trying not to kill off
too many brain cells. Doing minimal exercise. Planning to ramp it up a bit this fall in that respect. I've decided I dislike homemade wine. I am enjoying buying lots of flashy second-hand clothes at Frenchy's stores (fabulous second-hand clothing places on the east coast). I want to take up quilting. I've decided I'm very very happy not to be 20 or anywhere near 20. I've become obsessed with making sand-free zen gardens. Fuck the sand. Llamas are freaky animals, but I can relate to them. More to follow. I'm being summoned by a toddler.