I had a conversation at a cocktail party the other day that went like this:
Me: How are you doing?
Him: Great. You know, it's great to be able just to relax and wind down this time of year.
Me: What? Most people are out of their minds this time of year. Relax and wind down? People are filling the psych wards.
Good for you, buddy!
Him: Thanks.
Maybe this guy was lying. Or, maybe he genuinely does wind down this time of year, and lets others create the whole beautiful bourgeois bubble of Christmas atmosphere around him.
I've spoken to a number of folks this year who are dreading Christmas, and here are some of their reasons why - pretty standard ones, I might add.
1) Not in a relationship - the dreaded Christmas alone.
2) Partner died and dealing with first Christmas without person.
3) In a dysfunctional relationship - a relationship that might squeak through New Year's, but just barely.
4) Invasion by obnoxious in-laws.
5) Hating one's own family.
I have a question to pose to my readers. Can you put forward some solutions for people dreading Christmas -- solutions that can shift the mindset that Christmas is only successful if we are holding hands with loved ones around a Christmas tree. Or, solutions that offer some creative alternatives to the whole fucking deal. Of course, crafting and drinking are the obvious solutions...
8 comments:
I love a challenge.
One thing I've learned is that it helps to make a list of the things you like about Christmas and another list of the things you don't like about Christmas. And then DON'T DO the things you don't like about Christmas. Just treat Christmas like a buffet.
Second. There are definite benefits to not being in a relationship at Christmastime, and it's helpful to remind oneself of them. First, you don't have to go through the whole relationship gift angst thing. Second, you only have to deal with half as many family gatherings. Third, you don't have to deal with the whole extended-family gift angst.
I hope this helps.
...and likely, most other mind-altering drugs.
Really, the devil is in those expectations. The culture kinda brainwashes everybody into thinking that Christmas is a perfect time of year, and those not having a perfect time are just scum, peeing in the pool.
Perfection is a high ideal. Mere mortals who are busy enacting bondage scenarios with Scotch tape while they wrap presents, or burning the cranberry sauce -- or navigating a pissy relationship -- get guilted that they are not filled with seasonal joy and peace.
Well, maybe ya just gotta get all Zen (ha!) and roll with whatever seasonal joy and peace there is in the moment you're in -- and not get bent about not living up to never-wases that only exist in sappy movies and greeting cards. Maybe the Christmas myth, nude, is enough, without those extra-mythy layers of cultural clothing... But I bet it takes a hell of a self-assured iconoclast to buy that...
Me? I expect I'll be Cajun-blackening the turkey. And the cranberry sauce. And the mashed potatoes. And possibly my own fur. And the hell with it... it'll be perfect, godammit!
Even at my most together, I never find that Christmas is all about joy and peace. It's about food and drink, and if you don't have a significant other, try to plan some time with friends.
I would love to treat Christmas like a pajama day: stay in your pj's all day, eat yummy food, watch your favourite movies, listen to great music, and get drunk off your ass. It's really just an excuse to have YOU time instead of EVERYONE ELSE time. I have a few friends that always plan vacations away over Christmas, just so they can avoid relatives. It's not a bad idea, really.
The way to appreciate Christmas, for me, is to make it all about others. I take myself out of the equation, regarding any expectations whatsoever. I try to make it a good time for kids, other relatives and friends. In turn, they seem to really appreciate my efforts. I enjoy doing these things.
If someone does something nice for me, I look at it as a bonus.
Re: no relationship, family, etc? I have volunteered a couple of times on Christmas Day when I was on my own. I felt pretty good after, all things considered.
Maybe 'him' isn't stressed out, because his girlfriend is doing all the shopping. Must be nice not to have to worry!
Great comments, everyone. Coyote, love the blackened turkey idea. I look forward to your Valentine's Day menu.
I think anyone dreading Christmas would find these helpful.
Valentine's Day will be Noo Yawk Cheesecake, encrusted in broken cinnamon hearts...
Brilliant. ;)
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