The *&%?&**! Piece

Just as I was trying to be nicer, friendlier and more tolerant of others, I've been confronted with another linguistic annoyance. OK, first a bit of context.
I have now met two life coaches, and have chatted with them. When I say "met", I mean that I have made their acquaintances. I was not consulting them for life direction. While talking to both life coaches, I noticed that they used the word "piece" in an unusual and annoying way. Here are some examples:
"You can't really move forward in the career piece, if you haven't faced the spiritual piece."
"Once I had examined the body piece, I was able to move forward in the relationship piece."
"The work/life balance piece is central."
Where does this annoying "piece" business come from? Is there some kind of puzzle metaphor they study in life coaching school?
Here are some better uses of piece:
piece of cake
piece of chocolate cheesecake
piece of ass
piece of broken remote
piece of crap
piece of my grandmother's china

Purell doesn't work.

Purell doesn't work. I got the office cold. Don't tell me that I wasn't using Purell properly. I used it after every human interaction. Out with Purell. In with Advil Cold and Sinus.

On a completely different note, an anonymous commenter noted that it is friendlier over at the Mysterious East.
I think she's right. I'm not sure if she was talking about the folks in general or the bloggers over there, but I think the comment could apply to both. Let's face it, they are much nicer than we are.

Margaret Atwood poem

It's not February, but I thought this poem still seems right at the moment.

"February" by Margaret Atwood (Margaret Atwood, “February” from Morning in the Burned House. Copyright © 1995)

Winter. Time to eat fat
and watch hockey. In the pewter mornings, the cat,
a black fur sausage with yellow
Houdini eyes, jumps up on the bed and tries
to get onto my head. It’s his
way of telling whether or not I’m dead.
If I’m not, he wants to be scratched; if I am
He’ll think of something. He settles
on my chest, breathing his breath
of burped-up meat and musty sofas,
purring like a washboard. Some other tomcat,
not yet a capon, has been spraying our front door,
declaring war. It’s all about sex and territory,
which are what will finish us off
in the long run. Some cat owners around here
should snip a few testicles. If we wise
hominids were sensible, we’d do that too,
or eat our young, like sharks.
But it’s love that does us in. Over and over
again, He shoots, he scores! and famine
crouches in the bedsheets, ambushing the pulsing
eiderdown, and the windchill factor hits
thirty below, and pollution pours
out of our chimneys to keep us warm.
February, month of despair,
with a skewered heart in the centre.
I think dire thoughts, and lust for French fries
with a splash of vinegar.
Cat, enough of your greedy whining
and your small pink bumhole.
Off my face! You’re the life principle,
more or less, so get going
on a little optimism around here.
Get rid of death. Celebrate increase. Make it be spring.

Last skate of the season

I was out this morning for (likely) the last skate of the season. I beat the freezing rain. I wasn't out at 7 a.m. with the Ottawa hardcore MEC crowd. I was out there a bit later with a lot of hearty-looking seniors as well as a few oppressed-looking young fathers who had been sent out with children.

Side rant: Has anyone noticed how unfriendly a lot of Ottawa folk are? I'm not just talking about my porridge-faced neighbour who has trouble saying hello. This morning I greeted people on the way to the canal with a friendly, "Good morning." The only person who responded was a mentally-challenged gentleman.

My neighbour

My neighbour looks like he eats porridge everyday. He looks very tight and pale and sad, and rarely says hello. Once when crossing his path I said, "Hello", and he responded with, "I'm in a rush." His bubbly bimbo girlfriend moved out about a year ago (on Fish or Cut Bait Day, I believe), and so his demeanor just got worse and worse.
Then, this morning, through the walls, I heard him cranking up his music and singing falsetto. I have never heard anything out of this fellow before. I think things may be looking up for him. I'm assuming that when a man sings falsetto, he is happy.

Overheard today

Two things I overheard today:

1) "This is the last really cold day today."

2) "It may be unethical, but it's unavoidable."

Slightly more productive Tuesday

I did manage to do more today. More than play Spider Solitaire. And, I learned something. Or, I should say that I relearned that All-You-Can-Eat Chinese Buffet's are always a bad idea. Of course, I knew that going into the trough.
What else have I learned today? I have to say, and I'll say it again: Megan's blog is always full of wisdom about handling all kinds of life's stuggles-- from dealing with the passport office, to battling bats to selecting sex toys. Go learn stuff from Megan, all of you!

Unproductive Monday

It is really true what they say about busy people getting more done. Last week, in a fit of stress, I cancelled all my extra-curricular activities so that I could work. I've been telling everyone how busy I am. And, I am. But, am I getting anything done? No.
Here is what I attribute to my lack of productivity:
- winter burn-out. I skated this weekend, and that was nice and everything, but the blowing snow of today just made me tired and sad.
- a Spider Solitaire addiction relapse. I was off it for a while. Now I'm on it.
- a messy home. I filled out my passport application today, and had to trash my home in order to find my Certificate of Canadian Citizenship. (The passport photo people made me take off the bandages and scowl for the picture).
- read a very depressing novel called Property.
- Attention Deficit Disorder - medicated with coffee, but sometimes that's not enough.
Here is my action plan for tomorrow:
- Get up early.
- Drink coffee.
- Make a detailed to-do list.
- Do the stuff on the list.
- Delete or disable Spider Solitaire.

What 20th century theorist are you?

I just took this test and found out that I'm Jacques Derrida:
"You are Jacques Derrida! You founded Deconstructionism in 1966, and have been a thorn in people's sides ever since. You argue that texts cannot be reduced to a single meaning, among other things. You are dense, impenetrable, and not dead."
I have to say I'm pleased with this test result.

"Yep" is not a word....

Irritation of the day: "Yep" is not an appropriate email response. It is rude. I don't even think "yep" should be spoken.

5 more stress relievers

Harmony is trying to do a Dr. Phil on me, but I'm not going there! I know that if I were the real Muse, I'd be getting to the heart of things. But, you know what? I'm not the real Muse! I failed the intimacy challenge! I prefer to continue to work with the stress symptoms.
I found a few other stress relievers:
1) chocolate - the really dark stuff is best.
2) ginseng tea
3) Korean food (particularly the kimchi - ie. fermented cabbage)
4) telling others that you are stressed. They are nicer to you and don't expect things from you.
5) bitch to friends about wankers and injustices.

Stress

I've been stressed lately. I've decided in my usual intimacy-avoiding mode to focus on dealing with the symptoms, not the source(s).
Here are 10 ways I've been dealing with symptoms:
1) drinking lots of wine(this only works while I'm doing it, and may in fact be intensifying the stress).
2) walking (because we can now without freezing off body parts)
3) eating lots of meat (because I think it's good for me).
4) doing some financial planning (I thought it would help, but it's actually added a bit to my stress).
5) wearing pink.
6) reading the latest People from cover-to-cover (I'm not doing so badly compared to Britney).
7) cancelling things.
8) learning Spanish.
9) buying chips from chip-wagons.
10) throwing things in the garbage.

I met a Canadian Idol!

I met a young Canadian heartthrob yesterday named Wilfred Le Bouthillier. What an adorable little poptart he is! He won the French-Canadian equivalent of Canadian Idol, Star Academy, in 2003.

I fought my way through a group of frenzied teenaged fans, wearing my pink colour-of-my-blog sweater, and caught his attention.
Wilfred wormed his way to the top of the competition, not only because he has talent, but because he was such a humble, nice guy. And, the judges loved his innocence. When asked what he wanted to be as a child when he grew up, he answered, 'the pope'. Adorable! How could they resist?
Before meeting him, I got to see his show, which was a lot of fun. He did the best rocker jump I've seen in a long time. Some of his lyrics need some work. He has a song called 'Tout sorte de monde' which means something like 'It takes all kinds'. One of the verses goes (and I translate here) 'It takes black and white, rich and poor, etc...' You get the idea. Wilfred needs to work on some of his writing. But who cares! He is delightful. I could eat him for breakfast.

Pink

Went on a mini shopping excursion today. Everything I bought was pink -- the colour of this blog basically. I bought a turtleneck sweater, a beret and a few other personal items. All pink!

Gossip

I got a piece of extremely juicy workplace gossip today that involves lots of shagging in the creepy age difference zone.
It`s fun to get a good gossip snippet this time of year when some may be feeling passionless, drained, and depressed. It's heartening to know that people are having fun and getting down with their bad sides. My gossip source and I decided that we would keep our little tidbit to ourselves, and that if we needed to gossip more about it, we would just chat with each other.
That's why I decided to blog it! Without naming names, of course. And to keep it more "musesterious" to use Bob's term. I love Bob. I haven't said that lately.
Anyway, it turns out gossip is actually good for you. By gossiping we may be enacting some kind of ritual that evolved out of "grooming behaviours". Slightly more sophisticated than picking nits out of your hair, I suppose.

Wednesday Update

1) Britney is in rehab. In case you hadn't heard.
2) Blair is taking some troops out of Iraq. In case you hadn't heard.
3) I'm still debating over whether I should buy a large expensive piece of metal. In case you hadn't heard.
4) I'm learning Spanish now. Why, you ask? Because I'm planning to spend next winter in a warm place where people speak Spanish. In case you hadn't heard.

Reasons not to get a car

Yesterday I was poised to buy a car. Even talked to my banker, and test drove one. Then, I woke up in the middle of the night and thought: I don`t need a car. Here are some reasons:
- Cars cost a lot. I would rather spend that money travelling. Getting one's arse to a tropical climate right now wouldn't be such a bad thing, would it?
- Cars are wrecking the earth. So, when you don't have a car, people think you are a really good person for trying to save the earth.
- Cars prevent people from moving their bodies. I would walk and bike more without a car. Maybe a little bit more, anyway.
- Not having a car means you can drink as much as you want when you go out. This may not be a good thing for me...
- Having a car means that you can find yourself in places like Walmart, buying ridiculous household items that you don't need.
- Not having a car gives you an excuse to not to visit those people out in the suburbs.
- People demand more of you when you have a car. They expect you to be on time, to deliver things across town, and other annoying things.

As good as a rest...

Remember when Musie changed her font/template? And it was metablogged here? I'm getting all weepy and nostalgic here...In honour of the former Muse, I have decided to change my font. I suppose, if I really were acting in solidarity, I'd delete my blog...or at least, deny access to my readers. I'm not ready to do this. The team needs me.

Thursday

Today involved...
1) Battling a headache with drugs and caffeine. It's still there, but in the background now.
2) Battling the cold. Brrrr.
3) Buying the new Lucinda Williams CD. My conversation with my CD store man went as follows:
Me: How is the new Lucinda CD?
Him: Great. Dark.You know.
Me: Yeah. Perfect for February.
Him: Lucinda knows how to bring a person down.
Me: Isn't she amazing? I just love her! I'll probably be back on the weekend for some kind of musical amphetamine to counteract her, though.
4) Working....Nothing interesting to blog here.
5) Listening to the new Lucinda CD. With song titles like "Unsuffer Me", and lyrics like -- "All you do is talk the talk/You can't back it up with your walk/You can't light my fire so fuck off/... Go Lucinda go!

Happy Quirky Alone Day to all!

Happy Quirky Alone Day everyone! Yesterday, I received a valentine card from my mother, bless her. Remember the days when you got valentines from everyone in the class? Those days are over. Anyway, enjoy the chocolate. folks.
I'm happy today because I'm starting a new creative project. I'm not able to say more about this at this time. Let's just say that creative projects are a lot of fun at the beginning stages when it's all about the ideas -- not the actual work and follow-through.