Cabin Scents

This weekend the Dischevelled One and I visited a friend who invited us for dinner for the first time ever. This friend has had a rough couple of years and hasn't opened his home to anyone, so this was a big deal. In his words, "I cleaned up my place, so I had no choice but to invite people over before it gets messy again." But, it was clear from his positive demeanor that this fellow has done more than just clean up his house. This is a man on the mend, a man in transition, a man ready to get out there and meet some women. I told him that the cleanliness of his place was definitely going to score big points for him. But, what really caught my attention was this scented candle on his coffee table called Cabin Scents. I told him, "This candle right here is going to get you laid." Take note all you single, or wanting-to-get-laid men out there, go get this candle. I don't usually react so strongly to scented candles. In fact, I loathe them. But - "Cabin Scents" - I am ALL over that.

How to Sell Art in Ottawa and 2 Musicians I Like

1) Today I discovered the key to selling art in Ottawa. You may not like this, but this is a little sad reality I witnessed today at the Old Ottawa South Art in the Park.
So here it is: find a well-heeled white-haired woman with alcohol on her breath. She will spend. Believe me. She will spend. And she'll say things like, "My kids are going to kill me." I watched an artist navigate this situation very very carefully and ended up making a lot of money.

2) DM pointed out today that I like an anglo musician who writes very much like a francophone musician I also like. Both are pretty rough writers, and both have moments of fucking brilliance. The anglo musician is Dan Reeder, who has lines like this: "I don't really want to talk to you/But my business requires that I do." Who can't relate to that? He also has a song entitled "I drink beer", which I appreciate as a song title.

3) The francophone musician is Cayouche. He is ugly. He has a big ugly growth on his face, and apparently smells in person. But he is brilliant. My favourite song of his is -- my translation in English -- "You broke the chain on my tractor". Some other great lines in the song are (my translation):
You don't want to castrate the horses anymore
You don't look after the pig.
You say you want to go to Montreal.
Take your bags and get the fuck out of here.

You can watch Cayouche in action here.

Impermanence and Change

Undeniable truths perhaps, but I still have trouble with impermanence and change. There is a control freak living inside of me.
As part of my art therapy this summer, I (with a friend) made this lovely little beach pathway out of washed up fragments of some kind of vinyl flooring. We carefully placed each piece to create (im)perfect Wabi-sabi beauty. Then, the tide came in and ruined it all.

Meeting Bloggers at Milan's Photography Show

What a great evening at Raw Sugar on Friday! I got to meet all of my favourite Ottawa bloggers, including Milan, who made the whole thing happen by having a photography show. If you haven't been to Raw Sugar, go and see Milan's photos. And, buy one! They are gorgeous and affordable.

It was pointed out to me (by XUP) that I have missed ALL blogger events. When I got defensive and said I didn't do brunches, she pointed out that there were other non-brunch events organized that I didn't get my ass to. I found myself stuttering something to her about working on myself.

I have to say, I was a little apprehensive about meeting the "real people" behind the blogs. Having met a bunch of them on Friday evening, I can say they are truly spectacular human beings. And maybe, just being in their presence will activate my blogging mojo.

When I met Robin, the genius behind Watawa Life, I found myself shy, wanting to genuflect a la Mike Myers with a "I'm not worthy/I'm not worthy"...It was such a pleasure to meet Robin. His photos have brought tears to my eyes and have helped me see the beauty of Ottawa even when it sucks.

Zoom and GC are a radiant pair. I have met them before, and feel that I've known them longer than I have. Funny how that is. Zoom's blog is a constant source of inspiration to me. I've thrown away all my self-help books and just read Zoom's blog now.

Real Grouchy. I just met RG very briefly at the end of the evening. I was surprised to discover that RG is a young man. I had assumed RG was an older --and grouchier--man. So, I was shocked to find he was a younger man. I love younger men...

XUP. I did not know what the "real" XUP would be like. I love the sharp wit and edge of her writing. In person, she is adorable -- open, funny, cool, and full of sparkle. I sensed that our XUP is full of mischief, and I liked that.

Stella. I've met Stella before, and loved her instantly. She proclaimed herself a "rabid fan" of Astronaut Love Triangle. Well, I'm a rabid fan of Stella, and would sign her bosom anytime.

The brilliant, Milan. Oh my. I'm getting flustered here. You know I have a thing for younger men, and meeting Milan AND his brother was a bit too much for me. I have always been a huge Milan fan (rabid, really).

Megan. Megan and I have met before, and she is, as always, a stunning presence. A strong honest voice in writing and in person. I am always grateful to Megan for taking us where we need to go and keeping it raw and real.

Thanks bloggers, for a wonderful evening. Until the next time!

Swine Flu Hysteria

I get scared easily. When the guy cut off the guy's head on the bus, I got scared that my head was going to get cut off the next time I took a bus. When that guy killed himself with a Q-tip, I thought I was going to kill myself with a Q-tip. I'm also scared shitless of Swine Flu. Just the sound of it scares me. Pigs. Flu. Pig flu. Holy fuck! And now it's at a Level 5... how many levels are there, anyway? My institution tells me it is prepared, but are they really? I know the wankers in charge of these things and they don't know their asses from their elbows.

Next week I have an appointment with a young woman who will have just arrived from a vacation in Mexico. She's IN Mexico right now. I am already trying to figure out how I can keep her away from me, and away from everyone in my workplace. She needs to stay the fuck away! I don't want her to see that I am completely nuts over here, but I really, seriously want her away!

I am beginning to see that this hysteria I am experiencing runs in my family. I received this email today from a very close relative:

"As soon as I press Send to forward you this email, I'm off with the aforementioned check lists in hand to buy what's needed to top up and my emergency supplies kit. Even though I've recently read that face masks are little help in protecting us from breathing-in the tiny virus germs, I also will buy -- and use -- a box of face masks. At the very least, wearing a mask in crowded places may help keep me from unconsciously touching my nose and mouth, and rubbing my eyes -- the surest way to get whatever is going around."

Random thoughts at the end of April

The contest seems to be going ok over at the ESI blog with three strong entries. However, I'm a little disappointed in the number of entries. The ESIs are OUT, it seems. Or, perhaps we're so OUT, we're IN. Or, maybe we are just on our way IN after being OUT. I'm going to call an Emergency Meeting in the next days to determine a winner.

The leaves busted out today in fresh fuzzy green. This made me happy.

Blogger news: Zoom is writing great stuff over on Knitnut and winning prizes while she's at it. Jo S. has made a big move and is still managing to cook up a storm. I want Woodsy to come back.

Is anyone out there afraid of Swine flu? Swine flu is "grippe porcine" in French, which sounds a lot sexier.

My obsession with WordTwist, Scramble and House M.D. are on the wane leaving more space in my life for other pursuits such as sewing projects with vintage sheets, writing stories, gardening, and meditation.

Had a great birthday in which I received fabulous gifts including a state-of-the-art seam ripper, a Sex Pistols T-shirt, long black gloves, a tiny clutch purse to wear to the opera, an original painting with skulls on it, and a beach bag.

Things that seem to be IN, but I wish would go OUT....

- skinny jeans
- shameless texting everywhere
- rich people "worrying" about how the economic downturn will affect them.
- people taking out their families and themselves in response to the economic downturn.
- no longer giving a shit about the environment because of the economic downturn.
- anxiety disorders
- sleep disorders
- hackneyed "change management" language
- the focus on Michelle Obama's pipes
- microfibres
- Bristol Palin's ex, Levi

Part 3: In and Out

IN

being "between jobs"
coffee of all sorts: free, quality, crappy
radio
free events or free passes
mental health days
Buddhism
crankiness

OUT

golf
email jokes
fruit teas
Christianity
work team-building exercises
self-help literature
having a positive attitude

More Ins and Outs

IN

herb gardens
having zero or one kid
David Scrimshaw
Jo Stockton's amazing food blog
Omega 3s
magic bags
knick knacks
spring

OUT

winter
scrapbooking
Lululemon
colds
restaurant meals
expensive anti-aging creams
environmentally unfriendly kitty litter
whinging

Aggie's - What's IN and OUT list

What’s IN?

-gardening
-Value Village shopping
-binge drinking
-drugs
-doing art
-using work benefits to the max (mental, dental, massages, etc… while we still have them!)
-twittering
-fruit pies
-meditation
-reading
-walking
-manicures and pedicures
-cats
-road trips
-manners
-Jian Ghomeshi
-Astronaut Love Triangle
-spontaneity
-quilts
-obsessive-compulsive disorder

What’s OUT

-veganism
-yoga
-Facebook
-blogging
-TV
-dogs
-workaholism
-power dressing
-marriage
-home ownership
-air travel
-rudeness
-all Canadian politicians
-self-referential wanking
-Susan Boyle (already!)
-attention-deficit disorder
-assholes
-fleece anything
-jogging along the Rideau Canal

XUP is a genius

XUP is a genius. We should all be listening to this woman. EVERYTHING she suggested to me for the proper care and maintenance of my elderly guests was BANG ON: the sweets, the sweet alcohol, the eating routine, the video rentals, the activities. Because she was so helpful in her comments on my blog, I consulted her privately and asked her about restaurants. She suggested HOTELS and BUFFETS. We went to the buffet at this rotating restaurant and it was huge hit. These folks will be talking about this "moving house" for the rest of their days.

We did make a few errors:

1) We deviated from XUP's advice not to serve up anything "exotic". I served up unpeeled potatoes one evening, and that was met with quiet disdain.
2) We served lunch (which is actually a hot dinner) about an hour too late, and that caused blood sugar and tummy problems. It also upset the schedule for the next meal, causing some distress.
3) We should have rented a car. The two-door is dangerous for seniors because of the dangling front seat belt which can trip you up. Seniors sometimes don't listen well when you say, "Please wait until I'm standing over there to help you out." We had one down on the sidewalk (unharmed, fortunately), and another nearly down.

But overall, the visit was a great success. Thanks, XUP!

Random thoughts at the end of March

I'm having real trouble blogging these days. Things are grim with all the cutting, downsizing, adjusting...It's also the end of March, and we're about to head into the "cruellest month" which hopefully will turn out to be kinder than March.
Some random thoughts on what's going on over here:

My job currently feels like a cartoon. I will not say more about this, except that -- Cartoons can be funny. Cartoons can be annoying. Cartoons can be extreme. People can get hurt in cartoons. Watching too many cartoons on a Saturday morning can leave you cranky for the rest of the day. Enough said. Who can afford to get dooced in our current climate?

Thanks to XUP, I'm ready for the old folks who will be visiting next week. I decided against getting cable, and am going to follow XUP's advice and getting DVDs of old TV shows. XUP is a genius.

The tofu folks inspired me to have more vegetarian dinners. When I served up a delightful tofu dinner to Dischevelled Man, he defrosted meatballs to put on top. He may have to be the next contestant for the tofu challenge.

I was supposed to attend a sock monkey workshop this afternoon at Raw Sugar, but decided to sit on my porch in the sun and read the paper and a New Yorker instead.

I'm back to seeing my Chinese doctor. I'm taking pills for "deficiency of blood and energy, shrivelled complexion". Makes sense. I'm also taking Harp Seal Oil and getting regular acupunture treatments. Feeling better and less shrivelled already.

Houseguests and Crap

Something must be going on in the universe this weekend. Mercury must be out of retrograde. Or Venus is trining Uranus. Our place is crawling with houseguests. I'm hauling every camping mattress I can find out the basement, and clearing floor surfaces, trying to figure out where I can lay people out.
In the midst of this houseguest deluge, and while dischevelled man was giving our first round of guests a house tour, there was a shocking discovery: one of our cats CRAPPED right in the middle of a bed. We're not sure which cat did it. But the large amount of crap suggests that it was the adult cat. I'm not sure why he would do this. Some possible theories here:

1) The cat is freaked out about the number of people coming in.
2) The cat is finally trying to tell us that he is not happy about the arrival of Ti-gris.
3) The cat was sick, and just had a once-in-lifetime unfortunate accident.
4) The cat is trying to tell us that he hates us.
5) It wasn't the cat at all, but one of the houseguests.

Lying for the Story

A work friend today told me that she believes that an extremely high-ranking person (EHRP) in our organization lies regularly during her public addresses because she needs a good story. According to my work friend, she tells witty lies for the purpose of entertaining her underlings. When my work friend mentioned this today, it rang true. It rang true because EHRP's stories don't really ring true. The reason they don't ring true is because in these stories, EHRP just happens to be present when a famous person is around and she just happens to witness the famous person saying or doing something witty. So, there is name-dropping going on, too. I was so distracted by the name-dropping, that I didn't notice the lying. But when the lying was pointed out to me, I got it. There is no word for name-dropping and lying at the same time, is there?

Winter Drinking

For economical winter drinking, I highly recommend investing in a bottle of port. It's fun to drink it out of a special port glass. So you might need to buy one of those, too. Makes you feel classy. You can get a cheap bottle and drink it all week. It helps.

This one goes out to the knitters....

What does one do with unfinished knitting projects? I am a shitty knitter. It is not my medium. I need a sewing machine or something with a motor to drive me to the finish line. The meditative click click of the knitting needles doesn't work for me. I get fed up and throw the whole project to the side. I have a large box in my basement labelled "Unfinished knitting projects to do in your retirement"...A friend of mine wrote that on the box when I was moving.

Here are some of the unfinished projects:
1) A baby blanket in lovely white and yellow cotton yarn. The "baby" this blanket was intended for is now a smoking/swearing teenager.
2) A throw in autumn colours, also in cotton yarn. This one is almost finished. One of the problems is I lost the pattern. I have no idea how to finish the thing. I worked many many hours on this project, one dark and desperate winter years ago.
3) A red mohair scarf. This one was intended for a former mother-in-law. It never got cast off, unlike the relationship.
4) A brownish orange sweater. I didn't get very far on this one. Nice pattern, though. I think I still have it.
5) A blue wool sock. I never managed to turn the heel. This was the obstacle.

Despite all of these failures, I've started a new scarf. Already, I'm hating it! The wool is beautiful alpaca. There is no reason why I should be hating this so much. Why do I keep coming back to knitting when I hate it? What do I do with all of these unfinished projects?

Sunday Update

I haven't completely given up blogging. Clearly, this is because I'm still getting something out of it. I love getting comments from you readers. After some reflection, I thought in this weekly update, I'd be a little more directive with you about my current needs, so that I could optimize on your inspirational and supportive comments. Here goes:

1) The internet is still destroying my brain. I'm now playing Scramble with XUP which is fun because she is not as skilled as Zoom who continues to kick my ass. What I'm trying to say is - XUP, please continue to support me by losing in Scramble. Zoom, I'm not going to play with you anymore, because it is damaging to my self-esteem.
2) My workplace is completely dysfunctional, and I can't blog about this. Let's just say I'm not empowered. I do need your encouragement, though. Generic workplace encouragement required. Refer to the motivational literature if necessary. I'm open to anything right now.
3) I'm not as stressed out this week thanks to the bucketfuls of St. John's Wort I've been ingesting. The stuff works, folks. No need for comments on this one.
5) I attended a Quaker wedding this week. It was beautiful in its non-ceremony, and interesting, but I discovered I couldn't be a Quaker because a) all the silence makes me uncomfortable; b) I like a bit more structure; c) I don't like the idea of opening the floor to just anyone. No need to comment on this one. I like the Quakers and my opinion here really means shit.
6) I'm getting another cat in the new year, and I'm looking for a really bloggable one, but not one that will pee in my bed. Suggestions?
7) I want to win a trip somewhere warm, and I would like people to send me contests I could participate in. Thanks.

Ok. That's the weekly update with directions for comments. Thank you in advance.

I think the internet wrecked my brain

I'm convinced that I'm more scattered and fragmented since the internet took over my brain. Today I sat down to "work" on the computer. The "work" part lasted about 30 minutes (if that). The rest of the time was spent doing things like ....

1) playing Scramble. Zoom continues to kick my ass. I think I'm getting better, though. No wonder. I'm a fucking addict!
2) reading all the blogs of those who attended the Blogger Brunch. Interesting reading.
3) checking out the FlicKr sites of random people I don't know or care about. Not even worth commenting on.
4) reading news from 4 news sources. The financial outlook is still grim. There is snow in certain areas.
5) googling slow cooker chili con carne recipes. There are tons.
6) checking into the YMCA membership rates. Not bad.
7) checking out the Ottawa Humane Society website to see if there is a little brother or sister available for my cat. None that I really really like at the moment.
8) trying to find the 5th Muse's new blog. No luck.
9) looking up "feline irritable bowel syndrome". The experts don't have much to offer.
10) doing the "what kind of board game are you test" on Zoom's blog. I'm chess.

Anyway, you get the idea. None of this random surfing is very enriching. I wish I had spent a very focussed time "working". Then, I wish I had done more meaningful things like exercise, reading, crafting, shagging. Any of these activities would have been better for my brain. How are the rest of you dealing with the mind suck of the internet? Help!

Rock On

Have any of you seen these "Zen Garden" rocks that you write on? I went to a women's party last night because one of my friends is getting married (again). We were asked to write something inspirational on one of the rocks to put in her Zen garden. People wrote all kinds of wise and inspirational stuff, including "resilience", which I think is a good attitude to take towards life, love and marriage. I started obsessing a bit about my own lack of resilience. Then, I had a horrible case of writer's block, and started to freak out because I had nothing to write on the rock. I'm lacking inspiration these days in a serious way. I came up with a few inappropriate things to write, like "Don't let your atavar get caught with her pants down."
One of the women in the group talked about a research study she read about successful marriages vs. non-successful marriages. The finding was that the folks in successful marriages engaged more even in the most banal conversation. For example - She says, "I really like this blueberry jam". He says, "Oh, really? What do you like about it, honey?" The non-successful marriage exchange would go more like this: She says, "I really like this raspberry jam". He says...absolutely nothing. Sorry, I don't have a source for this study. If I find it, I'll let you know.
Anyway, finally, after several gulps of red wine, it came to me what to write. I found a small, smooth round rock and wrote -- "rock on!". And I'm giving that little nugget of inspiration to myself as well.

Newsflash: I went to church!

I grew up in a religious home. Like a lot of lapsed Christians, I figure I have had enough religion for a lifetime. On Sunday mornings, I prefer to do other things: sleep, shag, read, go for brunch, crafts, a walk in the woods, you name it.
Yesterday, I went to church for the first time in a long, long time. I went because my parents were visiting, and they wanted to go to church. They asked me to recommend a church - either Catholic or Anglican. I had no idea where to send them -- because I don't go to church. Then, I decided to send them to the gay-friendly Anglican church on Elgin St.: St. John the Evangelist. Since I was sending them there, I decided I would check it out myself -- mainly so that I could blog about it!

I recommend this place if you are looking for a spiritual home in the city. Here is what I liked about it:

1) The minister Dana Fisher is really great. She stands out on the street wearing a cape and greets people. She's funny and a bit edgy.
2) The music Director, Gordon Johnstone, kicks ass. He gets beautiful sounds out of the choir, he plays the organ like the devil himself, and he plays the harp like an angel.
3) There's an interesting mix of folks at this church -- some look like standard WASPS. Others look more rock n' roll.
4) They do good community work at this church.
5) Congregation members were invited to stand up to make announcements at the end of the service. One guy stood up and talked about setting up a worm composter in the basement. There were a lot of wacky announcements and eccentricity happening there. Great stuff!

Reasons I'm not planning to attend regularly:

1) The service is too long. I can't sit on a hard bench that long.
2) The common cup kind of freaks me out.
3) The Children's Sermon annoys the shit out of me.
4) I have other things I like to do at 10:15 a.m. on Sunday mornings.
5) Did I mention that I had enough religion in my childhood for an entire lifetime?