Things I'm Thinking This Week

1) I don't care what the difference is between a FUNwall and SUPERwall, and am wondering how people are accomplishing anything these days with the Facebook distraction. Wouldn't it be funny if Facebook addiction was the thing that brought capitalism down?

2) Enthusiasm can take you far, and can even sometimes disguise slightly shoddy work.

3) Powerpoint should offer the following warning if you have the 2007 version, and you are saving your presentation: "Are you sure you want to save it in 2007? Do you know that you could be fucked if you try to open it with 2003/4?

4) How many pillows can I make before Christmas? Should I just go on Etsy and buy there?

5) There is no fifth thing.

Counselling

A conversation I just had:

Person: So, I've just decided I have to go see a counsellor.
Me: That's great!!!
Person: Why is that?
Me: Because, you were MADE for counselling.

I'm not sure this was the appropriate thing to say (pretty sure, NOT!), but I do think this particular person is really made for counselling.

So, what kind of person do I think is good for counselling?

1) some level of intelligence
2) anxiety, but trying to hold it all together, and still "performing"
3) motivated to change shit
4) totally fucking aware
5) there is no fifth thing.

I'm sure everyone was made for counselling. But some people may be more life coachy, or just ok talking to their hair dresser, or ok just taking the pills, or better off hanging out in the bar. And then, there are some people who are just made for counselling.

Solid Advice from Manny Blue

The magnificent, Manny Blue, one of the Holograms in the paradigm-shifting band, Astronaut Love Triangle, has given me some solid advice about how to be more productive -- without the use of coffee beans. Here are her recommendations:

Getting some exercise before starting to work
Working in natural light. I've learned to get all my ideas down in the daytime while sitting in natural light (luckily I have a window at work)
Writing my outline and ideas down on paper by hand - adding diagrams, notes, etc. Later I use my handwritten notes to guide me and keep me on track as I type out the report, etc.
No coffee (tea's OK) and no junk food - it just makes my attention issues worse
Fresh fruit on hand - a variety is important to me
Water... lots of it
Rewards! I write 10 sentences and I get to... (insert whatever works for you)
Walking around and speaking my ideas out loud... quickly sitting down and writing them down or typing them (I don't do this one at work)
Headphones with music. It blocks out the world and I can tap my foot to the beat. If my foot is busy with the tune, I don't get as distracted. Maybe the part of my brain that gets distracted needs to be doing something (this one really works for me)
Writing whatever comes to me (no second guessing), then setting the work aside for an hour or so... then going back to it to edit
Printing my work and editing from print (an editor told me this trick - he never edits from electronic copies... always the print)

I follow some of these guidelines already, except for the staying healthy part -- paying attention to what I eat, exercise, etc... This is what I am working on now. Manny, thanks for the inspiration!

The Coffee Bean Situation (CBS) over here...

I've decided that I'm making up for Megan's coffee abstinence over here -- in a rather serious way. I keep saying to myself, "I will not keep doing this... I will not keep doing this..." behind clenched and jittery teeth. And yet, those beans have continued to keep me going, and going, and going. Today, though, I almost barfed, and I have come to realize that I need to slow down. Just slow down on the beans, as Zoom so wisely suggested.

Motivation

First of all, I want to thank you all for the motivation. You have all helped me, in your own special ways. Here are some motivational messages I received "off the blog":

"Congratulations! You are still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model."

"We can't solve problems by using the same the kind of thinking we used when we created them." (My friend informed me that this is Einstein breaking out of the confines of the old folk-expression -"You made your bed, now go lie in it").

"Then, I got this massive jumble of wonderful motivation-goodness from another friend:
IT'S NOT A VISION IF YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT ALREADY. reach for the stars. YOU CAN DO IT. don't let the bastards get you down. IF YOU BELIEVE IT, YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT. never retreat, never explain, never apologize - get the thing done and let them howl. IF I CAN'T DANCE, I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR REVOLUTION."

Nice, eh? I am doing ok. I'm currently in a Montreal public library that seems to be housing every single Montrealer with a mental health challenge. I've moderated the coffee-bean intake. Moving forward.

Update on Writing Hell

1) I've eaten an entire bag of ginger snaps. Sweet, little heart-shaped, spelt gingersnaps that I purchased at Boushey's on Elgin Street for a small fortune. Highly recommended.

2) I am making some progress, although I am still unsure if completion of the project is possible. My writing coach suggested that this may be a good opportunity throw my debilitating perfectionism to the wind once and for all.

3) I am doing the chocolate-covered coffee bean thing -- which actually is not too bad as an ADD medication.

4) I am demanding encouragement from everyone. That includes you. Please send me your best motivational messages.

5) There is no fifth thing.

Profiles + X365

I have taken a lot of heat because I haven't written those damn ESI profiles. Then, I saw this project, and I am considering doing it. The profiles could just be part of this X365 project. Sigh.
I'm currently in a very large library, suffering with a writing project. Why do I hate writing so much? I am trying to own this part of the process-- the actually getting it done part. I'm so much better at the brainstorming, idea stage...
I'll just take a little break here, and see what's for sale on Etsy - and check out Andrea's recommendations. Can someone please give me a virtual kick in the arse here. Help!

Heaven's to Etsy!

Now that I am a craft person, I have to come to realize that it's all about Etsy. If you thought the Ottawa Christmas Craft Sale was a zoo, check out all the crap on the Etsy. Yes, I am into the whole alternative marketplace thing, but....Holy Shit! Is it just a way for people to fund their craft obsessions? Clearly, I need some Etsy-savvy person to explain all of this me. Help! Please give me some analysis.

Spiritual Healers

I went to a spiritual healer today and have decided that spiritual healers are annoying. They giggle an awful lot, which drives me bananas. I guess when you have figured everything out, the world just seems hilarious, as if you had just dropped a nice, clean hit of acid. Look at the Dalai Lama. He's a chronic giggler. They talk too much, and people sit around hanging off every single fucking word, even if they are talking bullshit. Does being enlightened have to make you annoying? The spiritual healer left me feeling:
1) like I could have been using my time more productively (doing the shit I am avoiding, for example). Yes, I know this attitude signals my desperate need for healing!
2) exhausted and drained. Yes, I know that probably means that some kind of healing is happening. She healed me by tiring the shit out of me.
3) annoyed with myself for even thinking that spiritual healing is what I need. Yes, I know that probably means I am resisting the whole healing process.

Another conversation with overly-friendly man

Remember, a few posts back when I wrote about the man who tried to rescue me by inviting me to his place? This week, he approached me and complimented me on my pink sweater. He said, "I really love the colour of your sweater. It reminds of when I used to play Risk. The colour of some of the pieces were the colour of your sweater." My response was, "Thanks. It kind of reminds me of Pepto-Bismol." His response to that was, "I have never had the pleasure of using that product." Then, we laughed, and I thought the Risk-line was just nerdy enough to actually sort of work on me. HA!

This Morning

A few issues this morning.

1) trouble getting out of bed because I was hearing the sounds of people scraping snow and ice off their cars, and that didn't motivate me to get up for some reason. I am also avoiding the stuff I have to do today....
2) no coffee in the house. I am drinking green tea, and it is just making me angry. I need to venture out into the snowstorm and caffeinate myself properly.
3) I am writing something, and the ending is not coming together. Why are endings so hard? That is not a real question. Here are some possible ways I could end it. 1) happy ending (they all lived happily ever after); 2) sad ending (someone dies or is seriously maimed); 3) Film noir ending (someone disappears and no one know what really happened); 4) surprise ending (totally fuck with the reader, and turn everything upside down). I know there are other kinds of endings, but these are the ones I am currently stuck on -- "stuck" being the operative word here.
4) I had a bizarre dream this morning that a close friend of mine had a blog called "Oatmeal Matters", in which she created very intricate and complex comic strips on rice paper, about a couple who bickered all the time, but in a very sophisticated kind of way. When I got up I decided to google "Oatmeal Matters", and no on has a blog by this name. In the dream, she had no readers, so I was going to generously link her to my blog, so that she would have about 15 readers a day.

Velvet and silk brooch with evil eye

I like this one. I wore it today and felt like I won first prize.

Things that are going on the back-burner for a couple of weeks...

I have decided to put some things on the back-burner -- until the end of November.

1) The ESI profiles. I am hopeful that when Megan does her work with the ESI team, this issue will be resolved. But until that time, the profiles are not happening.

2) Tiana's prize. I am working on various models, and this prize will be ready at the beginning of December in time for her to put it on her tree. I just bought a bag of evil eyes, and am sewing them on everything now. So, expect a Christmas ornament with an evil eye!

3) Christmas presents, and other Christmas-related crap. I am not even thinking about it now.

4) What I am doing from January - June 2008. This has not yet been determined, but I am not going to even think about it for two weeks.

5) There is no fifth thing.

What is on the front-burner then, you ask? I am back in writing hell. So, you can expect some whiney and pathetic postings in the next couple of weeks. At the moment, though, I am enjoying being curled up inside in front of my computer, while looking out the window at the freshly fallen slush. So far, I am not complaining.

Silk brooch with 2 beads and an evil eye

Conversation with a Man I do not know* who happens to be in the "helping profession"

Man: "Aggie, you mentioned last week you are homeless, and temporarily living in Ottawa and Montreal. That must be so difficult, and clearly, you must be going through something to have this kind of unstable living arrangement. I just thought you might like to come over to my place, and hang out for a bit and feel ok.
Aggie: "I'm doing fine, actually. I didn't intend to communicate that I was unstable."
Man: "Oh well, that's great. Maybe you would like to come over to my place anyway then."
Aggie: "Your place? No thanks."

Why would this fellow not simply invite me out for a beer? What is this "come over to my place" stuff? What planet is he from? Was he simply doing the 1/10 thing?** Are there new conventions out there that I have missed?

Note to self: don't mention homelessness to strangers (or insurance people)

*I know this man through a course I am taking, but I am not even sure what his name is.
**Do I need to explain the 1/10 thing?

Santopol Roulant

We need a Santropol Roulant in Ottawa. This is a groundbreaking meals-on-wheels program. They manage to have a steady flow of young, enthusiastic volunteers to make, package and deliver about 100 meals to seniors every day. They do all kinds of other things, too: hold intergenerational events, educate people about how to make a rooftop garden, organize bike workshops, etc.
Could this work in Ottawa? I can envision something like this in Mechanicsville...

Leaf-shaped pillow with monogram

Another pillow

I just finished this one. I think I like it the best so far. I experimented with a bit of pink embroidery thread with this one, which was fun.
Soon, I will have pillows coming out of my ying yang. As I mentioned before, it seems that this is what everyone will be getting for Christmas for this year.

ESI Profile Angst

About a week ago, I promised the ESIs that I would write a profile for each one of them. I already wrote the Chair's profile a long time ago, something that has caused a big brouhaha. They all ask-- Why the Chair and not me?
Now, faced with the task of writing a profile for 4th Dwarf, Coyote, Conch Shell and the Independent Observer, I am experiencing a bad case of writer's block. Here is what it looks like in my head:

Me: Ok, Aggie. Time to start the profiles.
Me: Ok, which one first?
Me: Conch Shell? No, the IO. No, Coyote....No, Dwarfie.
Me: But, what are you going to say anyway?
Me: I don't have a fucking clue!
Me: But these are your friends. Surely, you have something interesting to say about your friends.
Me: But I want them to be interesting and to capture something unique about each ESI. You did it for the Chair.
Me: Yeah, and look where that got me!
Me: Just start writing.
Me: I don't want to! Stop telling me what to do!

Why are we still wearing panty hose?

I do not wear panty hose -- except on my head when I'm dressed as a Buddhist monk for Halloween -- but found myself in a situation this Saturday evening when I had to purchase a pair of the fucking things. So, I went to Fancy Sox in the Rideau Centre, where I made the mistake of splurging in a higher end pair of sheer stockings because I assumed they would be less like to run on the first wear! I also assumed that, surely to God, they have come up with some models that are a bit sturdier now.
I VERY CAREFULLY put the fucking things on, and I looked down to find a very large run making its way down my leg. 'Maybe your toenails are too long or are jagged,' my helpful companion suggested. This was not the case, and even if they were, they should not bust this easily.
At the soiree that I attended, I sat next to a woman and complained about my pantyhose breakdown. She said, 'If you wash them with shampoo before you wear them, the fibres stand up longer.' Are women out there really doing this?
I am wondering why people are still wearing these things that are designed to instantly self-destruct.