Off the blog for a little while...

I will be off the blog for a little while. I am heading to a communist southern place where I plan to drink rhum, listen to music, and look at people and old cars. I won't likely be blogging from there. I will keep a notebook of blogworthy moments, however. See you in 10 days or so.

One big lavalamp

I haven't been to Toronto in a while, and didn't realize that the CN Tower is now a giant lavalamp. Very cool. Not so cool when you point it out to your friend, who turns around to look at it too quickly and falls out of her chair. I won't write anymore about this because she doesn't want to talk about it.
I have to admit, it's way more impressive than the NCC Sound and Light Show on Parliament Hill. We need a large phallic symbol in our Ottawa skyline with lights shooting through it.

Toronto Update

I'm having a lovely time in Toronto, although, like Zoom, I always feel like I just fell off the turnip truck here.

Here are my highlights of trip so far:
Eating really good gnocchi. Looking at shoes in the shoe museum. Getting drunk and eating about a million wings. Watching the lunar eclipse from a Bloor Street bar. Talking to a fellow who confessed that CBC's Steve Puddicombe hated him. Me, convincing him that probably Steve Puddicombe actually loved him, but was unable to express it. Him, believing I may be right. Miraculously not waking up with a hangover. Eating a huge bento box of Korean food. Meeting a guy who puts balloons on his miniature poodle's feet to keep them dry instead of buying those overpriced dog shoes sold in pet stores. What a fabulous idea!

Purchased today

1) one airline ticket to a warmer climate
2) one train ticket to Toronto
3) kitty litter (for the special boy)
4) high-end, special needs cat food (he's a special, special boy)
5) a 5-pack of functional panties (ok, ok, just one thong in the five)
6) a pair of cotton flannel lounge pants (because it's important to be comfortable when lounging)
7) Chinese medicine for diarrhea and for constipation (so that I'll be prepared for anything on the trip)
8) several pairs of earplugs (nothing that could puncture an eardrum and kill me)
9) an adorable little pencil case (so I can be one of those people who keeps their pens and pencils together)
10) a pork tenderloin (for supper)

People who collect things

I've become obsessed with people who collect things. I find the whole collecting thing so freaky, and yet so human. This weekend I met a woman who collects Bakelite bangles. Apparently, Bakelite is no ordinary plastic. If you are a real Bakelite collector, you must rub the plastic vigorously until it warms up, then give it a sniff. It should smell like burnt human hair and formaldehyde. How delightful! Anyway, that means you have the genuine thing, the real McCoy. These bracelets can be worth a fortune.

Update on Beer Foam Guy

So, the guy who got dumped for flicking beer foam in his girlfriend's face was over last evening. He's a charming man, a loyal friend, a hard worker -- all those good qualities we like. But, unfortunately, in his distressed state, he drank all our beer, stayed far too long, went to pee about twenty-five times, and then hissed at my cat. That was it for me. I almost launched into a, "This is the kind of stupid drunken shit that you do that will continue to get your sorry ass dumped, asshole" rant. But, I didn't. I just said, "I'm going to bed." And he took this as a hint to leave. After he left, my dischevelled friend acknowledged, "Maybe there was a lot more going on below the surface of the beer foam." I agreed. No one fucking hisses at my cat.

Sending love out into the blogosphere

I am not going to say Happy Valentine's Day. I know the day is a nice opportunity to give, receive, and consume chocolate. But the day makes so many people feel like shit: people who are lonely, people who have loved and lost, people who happen to just be in a crappy relationship. One of my friends just reported going out and buying a pair of $200 boots to ease the pain of V-day. That's ok, I guess, but it depresses me. We have fucked up ideas and expectations about love and romance that I think are perpetuated by this ridiculous day. We need some other 'models' besides the tired, sappy Valentine's Day one. Megan's"romancing the world at the Manx" idea is groundbreaking, and one that I hope will become a tradition. I wish I were there. Instead, I'm in Montreal being the Valentine's Day grinch.
Tonight I've invited over a friend whose girlfriend dumped him on Fish or Cut Bait Day because he splashed a tiny bit of beer foam in her face. He said she was teasing him, that he meant the foam flicking as a joke, that he apologized several times. She found the beer foam incident a bit much, and took the opportunity to make her exit. I'm sure there was a lot more beyond the foam flicking. But I digress.
In the spirit of romancing the world, I would like to take this opportunity to send love out to the blogsphere. Good pure bloggy love that demands nothing in return.

Boozing on a Budget

Another one of my brilliant and thrifty friends has come up with this economical weekly drinking schema for two, which
she gave to me in an email as follows:

"Here's my weekly boozing on a budget formula for two:

1 x 1.5 L bottle Citra Montepulciano D'Abruzzo (approx $13) - Italy section at LCBO
4 x 650 ml bottle Anchor Brewing Co "Liberty" ale ($3.50 each?) - Import beer at LCBO

Each bottle of beer gives you two nice glasses. It's a very full-bodied beer. Delish. And that big bottle of wine lasts forever (or, two evenings, depending on how the week is going). It's a tasty, medium-bodied, fruity wine that goes nice with food."

Please note: this plan is for light to moderate drinkers, not hardcore drinkers. But I like the simplicity of it. Do others have a weekly boozing schema that is worth sharing?

Looking for Kidney Warmers...

My shopping consultant who just showed me how to "do Winners" also introduced me to kidney warmers. A kidney warmer is a finely knitted tube that covers your kidneys and keeps your core body warm. My shopping consultant's mother got her kidney warmer in Germany. I'm wondering if anyone knows where I can get one in Ottawa. I know, I know, all you knitters are going to say "Just make one yourself!" But I want one that actually fits under my clothes.

I did find two models online. The first one is a high-end Made in Germany model that costs a fortune but offers the following health benefits: "expands and strengthens your aura", "protects from EMR (electromagnetic and wireless radiation)", "strengthens your subtle energy bodies", "activates your self-healing forces", and "supports general well-being and concentration". I need all of these things.

Then, I found a cheaper American version of the kidney warmer here. As you can see, the health benefits aren't nearly as sexy: "post-operative"..."reassuring"? Blech.

How to Shop at Winners

I have a friend who is a shopping genius, which I am definitely not. I can go out and blow lots of money, and end up with nothing I like, or with things that are unwearable. Yesterday, I shadowed her in Winners, and took notes of her strategy. She started off saying, "OK. When my time is limited like this, I just go directly to the Handbag and Shoe sections, because that is where you will find the best deals in this store." As she fingered through the handbags, she said, "Once I found a Dolce & Gabbana bag for $80 here, if you can believe it." That statement didn't mean a lot to me, but I got the idea. I started looking at the black bags, and she said, "It's harder to find a good black bag here, I'll tell you that. You are more likely to find a high quality brown or tan one." Then, she pulled out a nice light, soft, camel coloured leather bag with dark straps. "Here we go. This is you. This is a really really good deal." We noticed a tiny tiny pen mark on it and she suggested we try to get it marked down even more. Then, we went to the shoes. It took her a few minutes there before she said, "Nothing worth looking at here today. It's been seriously picked over." Then, she suggested going to the Underwear and Sleepwear section since we had some extra time. She said, "Sometimes you can find Calvin Klein panties here for 4 or 5 dollars, and they really are better quality." We looked, but no luck on this. Then, she ranted a bit about fleece, and how it was a terrible fabric that doesn't breathe.
We had a couple of minutes left, so we went to the sweaters. We saw things we liked, but the sizing was all wrong. She said, "Don't ever buy anything that is the wrong size even if you love it. It will just frustrate you." We went to the cash where we managed to knock a few dollars off the leather bag. Then, she suggested I go to La Vie en Rose and pick up a pair of $10 flannel pajamas. She confessed to buying 4 pairs. She said, "When they are giving them away like that, I tend to just buy them up. Everyone needs flannel pajamas."

Is anyone else out there freaked out?

Since I read the story about the guy who died from using a Q-tip, I have been freaked out. I admit, I'm going through a bit of crazy phase right now. This morning I wrenched the Q-tip box away from my dischevelled friend, screaming "You shouldn't put anything smaller than a saucer in your ear!" Then, when he turned away, I threw the entire box of 400 Q-tips in the garbage. They are fucking dangerous! I know, I know, you could still use them to dust a keyboard. Or, you could use it apply make-up. But, those little innocent-looking sticks with cotton spun tips are killers just waiting to unleash themselves.
What freaks me out more, is that some creative writerswere already onto this years ago.

Richard Desjardins

I am in love with Quebec singer-songwriter,Richard Desjardins. If you want beautiful music to get you through your February blues, go out and buy his 1998 unplugged CD, Boom Boom.
Yesterday at a musical event, I sidled up to the bar, and realized I was literally rubbing elbows with Richard Desjardins. We smiled at each other, and I forgot that I was there to order a drink. Then, today, while walking down the street, I looked across, and there was Richard Desjardins with his little black suede jacket and his smoke. I'm convinced that it is destiny: we were meant to be together. He is a teeny bit older than I am. On another blog, I was defending Julia Child's decision to put her much older husband in a nursing home while she continued on with her work. Message to Richard Desjardins: when we get married, I promise I won't ship you off to the nursing home.

Silver lining

I've had a rain cloud over my head for about a week now, and am trying to do all the usual stuff to make myself feel better: meditate, exercise, walk, eat well, make crafts, read inspirational stuff, get acupunture, etc.. I may need to add "get drugs", "see a shrink", "go to a nunnery for a couple of days", and "get a plane ticket out of winter" to this list, but we'll see.
Anyway, I did have a few rain cloud lifting chuckles when I read a couple of items from CBC health news today. One story was about sperm in Saskatoon. The headline was Don't Spurn the Sperm. Nice one! If anyone is looking for sperm, there is plenty out there just going to waste.
The other story that made me laugh was this one about how it is all those healthy people out there who just won't die that are the real drains on the system. So stop blaming the smokers, or the obese people, or the obese smokers!

Latest crafts

Blogging wierdness

I have not blogged in the past couple of days. One reason is because I became obsessed with what was happening over at the Mysterious East. If you have a couple of hours, and want to read the blow-by-blow of the St. Thomas University labour dispute, it's a fascinating read. Or, maybe you'd rather watch the Superbowl...
But, the main reason I haven't blogged is because my blogging topics were just a bit too wierd, disturbing or personal. For example, here are some of the topics that I have not blogged about:

- my cat's suffering from feline obsessive-compulsive disorder (I'm considering medicating him)
- my menstrual cycle and how it has made me insane (I know there are bloggers out there writing about peeing their own pants, which is cool and everything, but I'm just not ready to get that intimate with y'all)
- my bizarre dream about having a sexual adventure with a barbie-Ken sized male (it's not what you think)
- my bizarre dream about hounding a fellow who wouldn't say "hello" to me, and discovering he was deaf (I thought he was just being one of those unfriendly Ottawa types)
- more ADD/meditation moments (there have been lots of these on my quest for enlightenment).

Instead of blogging about these things, I'm going to put up some photos soon of my latest craft projects. Good old crafting, eh? I'm planning to craft my way through the Stupidbowl today.

"In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind we've gone too far"

This is my song of the day: Video Killed the Radio Star (1979) by the British group, the Buggles. I was crabby. Then, I heard this song, and have transformed from crabby to happy. If you want to be happy, you can watch and listen here. Brilliant. And, lots of costume inspiration here for Astronaut Love Triangle.

Intruder scare

This morning, I woke up at 6 a.m. from another one of my twisted dreams, and was convinced there was an intruder in the place. I can be very country bumpkin-ish about leaving doors unlocked or open, so I assumed someone had just walked in off the street. My first response was to turn on the bedside light because I had heard somewhere that that can scare someone off. I then put on my pants. I didn't like the idea of fighting off an intruder without proper ass-covering. I then ran for the phone and was poised to dial 911. I slithered around, back to the wall, turning on lights, until I was convinced that there was no one there. Meanwhile my cat remained in deep slumber. Finally, I managed to go back to sleep for a couple of more hours, and woke up in my pants, drooling on the phone.

Passport

I finally have a passport in my hands. This is a major achievement, as I lost the passport application not once, but twice. I don't believe I blogged about the second time losing it because it was simply too painful to talk about. But, I managed to find it for the second time, immediately went to the passport office, and now all is well in the world. Now, I need to decide where to go. I am thinking mid-February, somewhere warm, where people speak Spanish and dance.
I'm keeping the passport in a very very safe place, and will sew a special little bright crafty thing to protect and make it easy for me to locate.

What's happening with the crafting, you ask?

In case you were wondering what is happening with the crafting, I did have a little hiatus, but am now back into it. I just made a little clutch that looks like this one that I am calling my "feminine supplies clutch". Photos will be coming soon.
Other craft news: I have a fabulous new rotary cutter that I got for Christmas which has changed my life.
I need help from you crafties on what to do with my retro tablecloth. I have decided I will never ever use that thing on a table. Ideas? How can I re-purpose the happy-bappy-housewife-on-valium tablecloth? Zoom suggested I "burn" the cloth at one point, and, of course, that is still a viable option.

Growing up WASP

Remember a while back when I was blogging about my friend who said she needed to see a counsellor, and I responded by saying "You were made for counselling"? Then, I had regrets about saying this to her because I wasn't sure would take it as a compliment? Anyway, she did take it as a compliment, fortunately, and she's loving the counselling experience. She said, "Sometimes I think my counsellor is a bit full of shit. But, that's probably because I'm not being totally honest myself." You see how good she is? It's made me want to go back and see my own counsellor, so that we can get together and talk about our sessions while drinking. Tonight we talked about the trauma of growing up in WASP families, WASP repression, and WASP complexity. How we are both messes because of it all.